To Read on the Journey

Thursday, October 25, 2012

A Humbling Fall (Day 25)


For 31 days I am writing to my children, 
my future grandchildren, great, and all my great-grandchildren.

 
The crazy thing about Christians is that most of us try too hard.


We try hard to prove we are good and worthy of our titles by volunteering for every church activity under the sun.
  


We know that salvation is a gift, yet we climb the self-made Christian ladder of success trying to earn our way to God, and to each other.

A few of us pridefully climb so high our brothers and sisters can't reach us.

God allowed me to climb pretty high.
He permitted me to gain a lot of altitude...
ensuring that I would have a lengthy, humbling fall.

In his book Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis spoke to this climbing-
"In the end, you will either give up trying to be good, or else become one of those people who, as they say, "live for others," but always in a discontented, grumbling, way- always wondering why the others do not notice it more and always making a martyr of yourself.  And once you have become that you will be a far greater pest to anyone who has to live with you than you would have been if you had remained frankly selfish."

Oh! Was I ever a pest.

I'm embarrassed when I think about it.
Embarrassed by my self-righteousness.
Ashamed of how I treated the body of Christ.
I'm sorry that I made Jesus and anyone associated with him look bad. 

I'm also grateful.
I'm grateful Father God wouldn't put up with me giving the family Name a bad rap.
I'm glad that in His mercy He allowed me to fall and see my pride-fulness on the way down (ouch!).
I'm glad He disciplined me. I needed it.
I'm incredibly grateful He extended grace to me. I didn't deserve it, and there was no way I could earn it.  Because of that His "grace upon grace" became that much sweeter.

I'm grateful that because of the Spirit's shaping and molding I am different now than I was when I foolishly started climbing those rungs so many years ago.  I'm glad for the painful journey, and that the character in my story has changed, that it is- "different in the end than it was in the beginning."

I want to embrace Christianity differently now (God help me).
There are many wonderful verses that show me the way.
Most recently this verse is my desire.

"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that 
he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion  
until the day of Christ Jesus."
Philippians 1:3-6

No more ladders.


Instead I want to express that I am thankful for my brothers and sisters in Christ, grateful that God in his generosity SO LOVED each one of us that HE GAVE His son to be Savior.


Next, I want to be a champion (a warrior or fighter- one who does battle for another's right or honor), praying, encouraging, speaking Truth into lives, nudging one another on to stick with the LORD their God.


Finally, I want to have confidence that HE WHO BEGAN A GOOD WORK WILL FINISH WHAT HE STARTED.  Oh the grace!  No more rungs. It isn't up to me or you, it's God's place and His only to finish what He began in each one of us.


My prayer for you is this that the Spirit will lead you through whatever He wills to shape and mold you into who He wants you to be for God's glory in you and through you.  I want so much for you to live in God's grace, and then to extend it to others. I encourage you to be a champion in the body of Christ. I think of how amazing we'd make Jesus look when if we did that- how others would "know we are Christians by our love." I know that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion. I rejoice in all He has planned for you in Christ Jesus.

Live in Peace, 


 
Day 20 & 21- O I Need Thee 
Day 22- I Know Day 
Day 23- Tangible God
Day 25- A Humbling Fall

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Tuesday, October 23, 2012

It's Not Coincidence (Day 24)

For 31 days I am writing to my children, 
my future grandchildren, great, and all my great-grandchildren.



God has done so many remarkable things in my life.
Things that are not coincidence, but God-incidents. 

He's worked so mightily in my life that I cannot even recount every time. Each God-incident has confirmed and edified who He is- the living God.

 ******************************************************
There was the time a man from church stopped me and handed me a $100 bill.  He told me "God gives me plenty, and He wants me to give this to you."  I had no idea what God intended it for. Later that afternoon my roommate called to inform me she was moving out. She left me with all the bills. God had gone ahead of me in my need.

The time I came to a camp in Oakhurst to be counselor for week in the spring of May,1993, and during that week I prayed about God's plans for me for the coming summer, and my need for a job.  At the end of the week I was approached by a staff member of the camp offering me a summer job (I met Michael that summer).

There was the time I prayed on a Sunday for a new living situation. Prayed that God would provide me with a new place to live. The following Tuesday I was approached by a woman ( Mama Holly, who at the time was just an acquaintance), who said, "I have been praying for someone to come and live with us and you came to mind.  I want you to come live with us."  I moved in the following Sunday (God also provided a roommate to replace me in my current situation).

There was the time I fasted and prayed for my 1/2 brother who was in a coma after a car accident.  I prayed that when I called the hospital that evening (as I had for the 5 evenings before) I would be told he had woken up.  I phoned. I called with expectancy, "Is he awake?!'  The response, "Well as a matter of fact he is!."

The time Michael and I prayed for our 6.5 week premature baby girl, Emilie, that her heart rate would regulate. We then returned to the NICU expectant that God had answered our prayers. When we arrived the nurses announced that her heart rate had just regulated!

The time God showed he was in the details as I held my baby boy, Caleb, in my hand.

The time God's Spirit comforted a grieving mommy, and whispered, "you're life will look different a year from now."  Exactly one year later I gave birth to Josie.

The time I prayed for a neighbor boy, that God would provide a godly man to encourage and speak truth into his young life. The neighbor boy was pulled out of his class and placed in a continuation class. I discovered a few weeks later that his teacher was a man from church who desired the same thing I had been praying.

The time just this past summer when finances were tight, and we had $30.00 to our names.  I prayed one afternoon, "God you're God nothing is impossible for you, everything is yours. Provide us with $500 by the end of the day." After I prayed I thought it was a ridiculous prayer.  That evening an unexpected gift arrived from a family member (we did not tell anyone about our financial situation), a check for $500.00.

I look see now that God's Spirit prompted me to make all these requests to the Father.  He prompted me to pray, and intended to show me how REAL GOD IS.

There are so many stories to tell.  So many God-incidents where God came near and moved tangibly.  There are many I have seen.  And I am certain many many more I have not.

I think about the disciples and their experiences with Jesus-  I smile when I read John 21, which  mentions Jesus' signs and wonders..

  "Jesus did many other things as well.  If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would 
not have room for the books that would be written."
John 21:25

Oh! What books those would have been.

How I would love to read the stories of all believers; to hear how uniquely the living God has "made His face shine upon" every one.

I suppose not even the whole universe would have room for the books that would be written! 

And this, this is my prayer for you- I pray that you being rooted and established in Love- in God, would have power together with all the saints to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is God's love for you! I pray that you would seek One True God with all your heart.  I know that when you seek Him- HE WILL BE FOUND BY YOU.  I know because that is His way. I pray in the Saving and Mighty name of Jesus, Amen.  

Live in Peace, 



 
Day 20 & 21- O I Need Thee 
Day 22- I Know Day 
Day 23- Tangible God 


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Tangible God (Day 23)

For 31 days I am writing to my children, 
my future grandchildren, great, and all my great-grandchildren.


I have seen God move tangibly at many times in my life. 

November 13th, 1992, is a tangible-God day I will never forget . 

That Saturday morning I was scheduled with an evangelism class I’d been taking to work at a fair “barking” at passers by to come into a tent where they would have the opportunity to hear the gospel (I’m embarrassed now about the approach taken). 

I had made an obligation to "bark," but I didn’t want to be there.  I was feeling such grief over a number of things.  I was consumed with questions over my relationship (or lack there of) with each of my parents.  In the last year I had jumped feet first into every Christ-centered activity available in an attempt to prove myself worthy of love, and on this particular morning I was exhausted by the doing. I couldn't stand there and paint a smile on my torn canvas. I asked my evangelism teacher if I could step away to pray for a bit. 

I walked to the other side of the fairground found an isolated place and sat on a bench. I sat there and took in the still.  I recall telling God, “I don't want to be here.”  The “here” that I was implying was more emotional then it was physical.  I cried, “What is going on with my dad? What is going on with my mom?"  I sobbed, “Am I okay with you? I need You to tell me I’m okay.” 

I sat there tired and sobbing for some time. 

After my cry I looked up and saw a few children running 30 yards away from me.  As I watched them I recalled something I had heard the day before about approaching God as a child.  I prayed, “God make me a child.  Make me dependent on you, Father.” 

I returned to the tent and to my position “barking” at passers by. 

I was there just a few minutes when an older man in a booth across the way motioned at me to come and give him the questionnaire. 

I had only asked the man three of the ten questions before Gil (his name) interrupted me, “Denise what is going on with you? You have got a backpack on your back this high. God doesn’t want you carrying that heavy load.  Then he spoke God’s comfort and Truth into me. 
He continued on counseling me about my relationship with each of my parents. 
This stranger counseled me for 1.5 hours.
As our time was coming to an end Gil said to me, “Denise, you are alright. You are okay. You are doing just fine.”  At that I began to cry.  He finished by saying, “Do you know what you remind me of right now?” I looked directly at him, anticipating what he was about to say, what the Spirit speaking through this stranger was about to say, "You remind me of a child."

I cried, “I just prayed that!” 

Gil seemed as stunned as I was about our conversation. Puzzled he asked, “this was some kind of arranged meeting from God?”  I responded, “an appointment, a divine appointment.”

And our conversation ended. 

I recall driving home from the morning and thinking of Isaiah 9:6
“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”

Mighty God had tangibly met with me.  Me.  Through a stranger, He spoke, and counseled me, Father comforted me, and lead me in peace. 

God lead me in peace, a peace I would need 6 days later when my best friend, Nicole, died tragically in an accident.  

It was a great loss for a 19 year old girl.  But when I considered how generous God had been to go ahead of this tragedy to secure my confidence in Him, I was overwhelmed.  
I knew He was God and real and that He held my friend.

Over the years I have come to know God as the Comforter who provides me with "blessed assurance" when He knows I need it.     

This encounter also altered my prayer life.  I became certain that God hears our prayers; that He is not far, but near.  So near.  I began to pray knowing that God longs to be intimate with His children. 

My prayer for you is that you will KNOW God intimately.  That you will know Him who is not far but near. I pray the Spirit will open your eyes to see Him. I pray you will know the LORD as He came to be known, as Mighty God, Wonderful Counselor, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. I pray in the name of Jesus. Knowing there is power in my prayers. Amen.  

Live in Peace,


 

  
Day 20 & 21- O I Need Thee 
Day 22- I Know Day 
Day 23- Tangible God 

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Monday, October 22, 2012

I Know (Day 22)


For 31 days I am writing to my children, 
my future grandchildren, great, and all my great-grandchildren.

   
I know there is one true God.
I know that He gave his son, Jesus, to be my Savior.
I know His Spirit lives in me- leading, counseling, transforming, growing, stirring, prompting... 

I don't believe this.  I am certain of this.

I want you to have this knowing, too.

Faith is being sure of what we hope for; certain of what we cannot see.  Hebrews 11:1 

This week I'm going to share bits of my story.  Bits of what God has personally done for me ( I say bits because there are too many stories to tell).    

I hope that in sharing you will see God.

          **********************************************************************

"For God so loved the world, HE GAVE his only son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life."  John 3:16

When I think about how God pursued me, drew me to His love, to belief in His son, to Life, it overwhelms me.

I was 14 when I put my faith in Him.

At the time my dad was a drug user.  He did not claim me as his daughter (he acknowledged my younger sister and half-brother as his).  He was vicious with his words toward me.  He referred to me as "the daughter of a whore" or a "little whore."  He ranted loudly and clearly that he did not want me. 

My teenage mother abandoned my younger sister and I when I was almost 3. A weekend stay at the paternal-grandparents turned into 3 years.  She returned when I was 6.  I lived in her home for 12 years... with her and Kenny, Manny, Mike, Tim, Larry, and Steve... 6 step-dads.  She preoccupied herself with each one of them, and gave minimal attention to my sister and I.

By the time I was 14 i fully believe that something in me was lacking, and that I was not worthy of being wanted, valued, loved.  I entertained the thought of taking my life regularly.  I tried once. 

I can see now that at the time, God had intentionally placed classmates in my life to draw me to Him (in fact, I can see that He had thoughtfully placed individuals in my life from day one who would draw me to Him). At the end of my freshman year of high school one of those classmates invited me to join her at Hume Lake Christian camp for a week.  By that point I wanted nothing to do with God.  If there was a God I had one question for Him, "Why did you give me this life?  I've done nothing to deserve it."

Still, the thought of being away from my chaotic life for a week caused me to pursue that week vacation. My pursuit was short lived as camp was too costly for the daughter of a waitress.

BUT GOD.

One week before camp I received a call from my friend. She excitedly informed me that another girl had cancelled,  her spot was paid-in-full, and her church wanted me to go in her place.

I know now why God wooed me to a camp in the mountains.  At camp my vision wasn't obstructed by the lies that plagued me in my home in the valley (both literally and emotionally).  At camp I could see that God wanted me.

That week the speaker shared that "God is a father who will never leave or forsake us." Psalm 27:10

He also shared that "Nothing can separate us from the love of God."  Romans 8:38-39

He shared how God gave his son Jesus, for our sin, so that we would no longer be separated from Him, but by believing in Him, we have life abundantly and eternally.

I longed to be wanted.
I begged to be permanently and unconditionally loved.
I wanted a whole life.
And here was the God of heaven and earth so intimately telling me 'I want that for you, and you will find it in me.'
On June 19th, 1988 I expressed that I believed Him.

Image of my girls paper- chain to count down the days till they go to camp. 

 Fast forward to 15 years later.   I wanted to go back to Hume Lake to celebrate my 15th "birthday" with my husband and 3 young children; to take them to the mountain where my life began.

We hadn't told anyone of our plans.  We were financially strapped and our plan was to camp there for a couple of days.
BUT GOD. 
I  was approached by a couple from our church. They mentioned that they had a cabin at Hume Lake, which was available, and they wanted us to use it~ for free!

God wanted me at Hume Lake with Him again. 

One morning while there I took a long morning walk.  During my walk around Hume, I looked back and thanked God for 15 years earlier, and for all the rescuing, lavished love, and blessing He had generously poured into me over the years. And then I recalled the question I'd had for Him and said, "15 years ago I came here with one question, 'Why did you give me this life, I've done nothing to deserve it?' And today I have the same question for You, 'Why did you give me this life, I do not deserve it!'

God has been so good to me.

I want so much for you to know Him.  He loves.  He saves.  He redeems.  He restores.  Ask Him to show Himself to you. He will. That is His way.

  Live in Peace,

 
Day 20& 21- O I Need Thee
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Saturday, October 20, 2012

O I Need Thee (Day 20 & 21)

For 31 days I am writing to my children, 
my future grandchildren, great, and all my great-grandchildren.

  
In 1872, on a bright June morning, at 37 years of age, Annie  Hawks, a wife and mother, was busy with household tasks in her Brooklyn, New York home.  She was thinking about how near the Savior was to her and how impossible it would be to live without the Master, whether in joy or pain. From that the poem came  together: “I need thee every hour ….”

(Annie Hawks husband, Pastor Robert Lowry,  put it to music.  Listen to my favorite version, by Jars of Clay, here I Need Thee Every Hour.MP3).
 
 
I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord;
No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.

I need Thee, O I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee;
O bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour, stay Thou nearby;
Temptations lose their power when Thou art nigh.

I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain;
Come quickly and abide, or life is in vain.

I need Thee every hour; teach me Thy will;
And Thy rich promises in me fulfill.

I need Thee every hour, most Holy One;
O make me Thine indeed, Thou blessed Son.


And here I am, 140 years later, on a bright October morning, 38 years old, a wife and mother, preparing for a day filled with household tasks, thinking about the lyrics to this powerful hymn. Each word a prayer, quieting what I think I need, and agreeing with my Spirit with what I know I need. 

I need my LORD every hour. 

I need His Truth. 

I need Him close.

I need Him in every circumstance. 

I need His leading. 

I need His will for me, for my family. 

I need to be fully His, and for Him to be fully mine.

Oh. I. Do. Need. Him.

And He wants me to need Him.  When I need Him I see Him.  See Him~mighty, moving, redeeming, weaving all things together.  I see that He. is. God.  And ALL I need. 

The rich words from this hymn are my prayer over you today, my children, my grandchildren, and all my great grandchildren. 

Father I pray that every generation will recognize their need for you and come to you. Amen.   


Live in Peace,

 







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