To Read on the Journey

Saturday, April 28, 2007

How Sweet It Is...

Michael and Noah are at "mancamp" this weekend (Father Son Camp at Camp Sugarpine-
Before Noah left I asked if he'd miss me. He said, "no" :-(
How can I compete with sleeping in a tent, smores, water rocket launching, airsoft guns, and big helpings of steak and potatoes.

As I got into bed last night there were post-its on my pillow.
#1. I Love You Mine ("Mine" is how you say Mom in portuguese).
#2. I miss you
#3. How sweet it is to be loved by you (our song).
#4. Jesus Mommy bear ( We say Jesus to each other).

Ahhhhh, he loves me.

In their abscence, the girls and I are having girltime! bubblegum, ears pierced (Josie), ice cream, little purses, Hello Kitty store, flowers, curls, polish... the works!

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Who I am

"He (God) will set them off with communications of His presence which, though faint, seem great to them, with emotional sweetness, and easy conquest over temptation. But He never allows this state of affairs to last long. Sooner or later He withdraws, if not infact, at least from their conscious experience, all those supports and incentives. He leaves the creature to stand up on it's own leg- to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost relish. It is during such periods, much more than during peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be... He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles."  C.S. Lewis, Screwtape Letters.

This is one of my favorite pix of me. It was taken in 2003 at a friend's wedding as I danced and laughed like I hadn't laughed for some time.

In 2003, God took away His hand. The God who had been so tangible to me seemed absent. I was lost.
I think of my own children learning to walk on their own, taking my hand from them. They would stand still, or drop to the floor (I did that). I knew they could walk even when they didn't. I dreamed of the moment they would, wanting them to walk straight to me.
At one point I saw this picture and God said, "that's who you are."
It took 2 years for me to "grow into the sort of creature " God wanted me to be (and like all of us, I'm still under construction). It took some time before I got up, stumbled, and eventually walked right into Gods arms.

When depression, adversity, trials, or disbelief hit, this picture reminds me of who I am. I dance, I laugh, I stumble, and I walk.

What reminds you of who you really are?

Sunday, April 22, 2007


Victory: vic·to·ry (vĭk'tə-rē)
Defeat of an enemy or opponent.
Success in a struggle against difficulties or an obstacle.
The state of having triumphed.

I love the word victory. Ironically, I was conceived on Victory Rd. My mother was 14, my dad 18. I am certain that no one thought anything victorious could have come from that young girl being pregnant, but God did.
He had victory in mind for me.

I battle depression. I use to say that I suffered from depression, but one day I decided that I wanted to no longer suffer, but battle. Victory does not come without fight. There is nothing so wonderful as triumphing.

On occasion, I will share with you how I am battling and triumphing to victory.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

I've Still Got It!

Here are some pix of my neices Gracie and Lily. Lindsey (their mommy, and my sister-in-law) went to London for the week to visit my other sister-in-law Jennifer.

I was a bit worried before they came. I knew Gracie (almost 4) would be happy as pie, playing with my girls. Lily was the concern. She is only 18 months old, and not use to me, or being without mommy. Well, all I can say is - I still got it! It was so nice to have someone to hold who snuggles in to you, to have a little person laugh when you tickle them or chew on their feet. It was especially nice to rock a little person, sing a few sweet melodies, and have them drift off to sleep in my arms.

My 3 are growing up too fast. There is a different voice you have when they are little- a softer, gentler voice. There is a different way of communicating with them when they are little- snuggling, tickling, chewing. Of course we still do these things, but not as often. When they are little it is like dating. As they grow, I find myself married to them, and I miss the dating, when everything was new. There is a line in the film "Finding Neverland" that says, "children should never be sent to bed, for they always wake up a day older." Oh, if I could squish them down, and make them stay little (and mine) forever.

Monday, April 16, 2007

The Academy Awards

I love anything that causes community. Anything that causes us to come together.

This Sunday was All Fool's Day at the Academy Awards for Sierra Vista Presbyterian Church.
SVPC's most beautiful people (all SVPC'ers) showed up in high fashion to walk the red carpet and attend the Academy Awards. A number of celebrities walked the red carpet as well. As Joan Rivers, I got to be up close and personal on the red carpet.

The show was very entertaining with awards, feature films, and a performance by Mary Poppins and the Pips (Gladys couldn't make it). After the entertainment the President of the Academy Awards (and Pastor) gave a message... "what our culture views as valuable is a chasing after the wind... there are a lot of us who have been fools, buying into our culture, let's not be fools... the values of our culture ought to be mercy, peace, righteousness, forgiveness, and love."

Monday, April 9, 2007

"I Didn't Find My Friends, The Good God Gave Them To Me" Ralph Waldo Emerson

The kiddos and I spent the day with the Hayes family- Jeff, Kelly, Simon, and Elliott.

Jeff and I have been friends since Jr. high (he had a crush on me. I'm sure it was the feathered hair, pegged pants, and Keds that wooed his little boy heart).
I have enjoyed how our friendship has changed over these 20 years (wow!). We were new Christians together, both from broken homes, both in need of a Father. We both wanted more, and fixed our eyes on Jesus, and ran for more. What a delight it is to see the "more." To see him with a wife he adores (Kelly Rocks!), to watch him play with, and love on his children, to see a man faithful to God. He is all the Jeff I hoped he would be.


We had an enjoyable Easter Sunday in S.L.O.

As we headed home we made a stop at WINCO (grocery store). Standing in line ahead of me was a woman, with her husband and child. She had a look of desperation on her face (I've worn the face many times, and quiet a few times at the grocery store). It was obvious that she didn't have enough funds to purchase her groceries. The checker continued on scanning my groceries, as the other woman looked frantically through her purse. As the checker continued to scan I said, "let me pay for her groceries too." The checker seemed puzzled, and questioned me, then finally let me pay. The woman, still distracted, had no idea until the checker told her it was payed for. She attempted to hand me money, I smiled, said no, and wished her a Happy Easter- wanting to say so much more.

It wasn't the worship, or the message, or the Easter ham that stirred my spirit this Easter Sunday. It was a woman in a grocery store that reminded me that Jesus Saves. He has saved me not just from sin- He saves me everyday as He overcomes the world, and breathes new life into me.


Friday, April 6, 2007

Good Friday

My head was still on the pillow thinking of this day, thinking of all I have to do- pack, phonecalls, clean, post something already ...
"I know what today is," Emilie said as she entered our room this morning. I was sure she'd say this is the day we go to
San Luis Obispo to see our cousins. She began, "They had the last supper, then they went to the Garden of Gethsemane, and today was the day He died on the cross." My head was still on the pillow thinking now of how blessed I am to have a little girl who wakes up with Jesus on her mind. Jesus was on my mind too.