"but God."

these two words have become my life line.

what {Who} i cling to, 

and fix my eyes on 

in

every.

single.

circumstance...

"but God."

i once was lost..."but God."

when sorrows like sea billows roll..."but God"

prone to wander... "but God."

when i'm  found in the desert place, though i walk through the wilderness..."but God."

no power of hell, no scheme of man can ever pluck me from his hand..."but God."

i wandered so aimless life filled with sin..."but God."

when satan tempts me to despair, and tells me of the guilt within..."but God."

tho' none go with me, i still will follow... "but God."

this is my story, this is my song..."but God."

and today, on this for-my-good-friday,  i remember the "but God" that paved the way for all the others.

i remember that 

"it's friday

"but God"

Sunday's a comin!"

you're hot then you're cold...

birds are endothermic.
do you know what endothermic is?
if you do you are brilliant. 
if you don't that is okay.  i'm sure you know other interesting things and are brilliant, too. 
it is only because of homeschooling that i know what endothermic is {and a whole slew of other things i somehow missed learning the 13 yrs i was schooled}. 
simply put, for a bird it means that they transfer the energy from their food into energy to keep their bodies at the same temperature ALL the time.

because i hate being cold i would like to be a bird {being clothed in pretty feathers, and flying would be a major bonus}.  i am a winter wimp.  i am  currently draped in an electric throw blanket, the heater is on, and two space heaters are purring.  instead i am dressed like a bird -in layers of down- to ward off winter chills.  i also hate being hot.  not being affected by sweltering temps in june when it hits 106 would be off-the-hook!

i was thinking earlier that i would like to be endothermic emotionally.   i was thinking it would be easier if i could keep my emotions at one temperature ALL the time.

instead of being emotionally high AND low, i would be calm and collected, all. the. time. 

that would be nice.
nice would be easy.
i think i'd like easy.

while i was thinking about how easy even-keel would be, i griped to God.  because i am not  emotionally endothermic, i yarp at God a lot.

i yarp about being the likely inspiration for katy perry's lyric's~ "you're hot then you're cold, you're yes then you're no, you're in then you're out, you're up then you're down."

i yarp about other people, who from my perspective {which is questionable}, seem to be emotionally the same temperature all the time.  when i am a basket-case i am cocktail of envious of them and embarrassed of myself.

i yarp about my roller-coastering emotions being a regular occurrence {with increases at certain times of the month or when my stash of closet chocolate is out} i whine at God a lot.  thankfully, God is "gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, and quick in love" {i need it}.

because God is quick in love, He doesn't let me reside in my yarp forever.  He waits for me to cry it out, then lifts up my head.  When my tears are wiped away and i can see more clearly He reminds me of His mercies, and why He allows me to have emotions.

He reminds me of emotions that have stung {still sting}.  the sting of being denied by my father, abandoned by my mother, left by step-dads, and other sucky things that could have lead me to the bottle, but instead lead me straight to His arms at Hume Lake Christian Camp in 1988.

He allows my emotions to remind me of the grief of being unwanted, of believing myself unworthy of love {feelings that, occasionally, still grieve me}.  Then as deeply as my emotions plunge, so heavenly do they fly!  when i remember how how the Rescuer brought me out of defeat and into abundant life in Christ!

{ michael, noah, emilie &  josie, and this life i live with them in Christ's love, 

is leaps and bounds  more abundant than i could have dreamed or imagined}

He tells me my emotions are a gift, that lead me into His arms,
causing me to need Him every hour,
and  in every circumstance.

if i were emotionally one temperature all the time i wouldn't need my Savior.

maybe needing Him is the most beautiful thing about me.
 

put another way

I pray that God causes each of us to embrace the curves, angles, and crooked that He allows in our lives to draw us into His cozy arms, and for Grace to cause us to see each other most beautiful when we NEED Savior.  


note:after writing this post i learned that people are endothermic. i should probably get a few more years of homeschooling under my belt before i use sciency terms  in my posts. 

whispered hope

EDITED & REPOSTED from last year, because this is what i'm thinking about today, the day before Josie's 10th birthday. 

11 years ago on Saturday, February 10th, 2001 I was at a 4 day retreat, 'The Walk to Emmaus."
My husband, Michael, had joined men from all over central California the weekend before on "The Walk," and on this weekend it was my turn to join 60 unfamiliar women, at an unfamiliar church,  in an unfamiliar small town, in hopes to (like the disciples on the "Road to Emmaus") come face to face with Jesus.

To be honest, I didn't think I would see Jesus.... really, I didn't want to.
I was mad at Him.
It had been almost 5 months since He took Caleb home.
I was sad.
I wanted my baby back.
In my belly.
I wanted to be looking forward to the month ahead when Caleb was due with joyful anticipation.  Instead I was dreading it; mourning every single day without my son.

During the afternoon on this day of "The Walk,"  all the ladies on the retreat were lead into a sanctuary.  There we were given the opportunity to meet with a pastor for counsel.  After counsel and prayer we would be anointed with oil (freedom).  We could sit in the pews for as long as we needed, but we could not leave the sanctuary until we met with the pastor.

I sat there alone for what seemed like hours.

I watched one woman after another get up and walk, but I would not.

 I sat in that pew and ignored God.
He did not ignore me.
He spoke.
Teary eyed I pretended to ignore Him.
He cradled me.
I wrestled Him to release me from His arms.
Still, He held me.
He cupped my tearful face in His hands.
I closed my eyes.
He spoke, "Beloved."
I cried..."Why? Why did you take my son? I want him back"
He listened.
Still unable to look at Him, I asked, "Will I always feel such grief?"
He whispered, "Your life will look different a year from now."
"What?" I asked confused.
He spoke again, "Your life will look different a year from now."

I  took in Life-Giver's words.

Finally, the last one in the sanctuary, I made my way to the altar.  There Wonderful Counselor spoke words of Comfort, Truth, Peace and Hope through the pastor, and I was anointed with oil. 

I returned home from "The Walk" assuming God meant my grief would change within the next year.  I  didn't think God meant for me to take His words literally.

Fast forward a year to the Wednesday before Sunday, February 10th, 2002.  I was 38 weeks pregnant with a little girl.  Michael and I met with our o.b. for a routine check-up and asked about being induced (something I'd not done or considered before).  The o.b. agreed. He scheduled us for the upcoming Sunday.

As we drove home Michael and I discussed how odd it was that the dr. had chosen Sunday. We knew that was his day off?

"Why Sunday?" I asked. 

And the Spirit  reminded me of a promise made to me almost a year earlier, "Your life is going to look different a year from now." 

Exactly one year later

on 

Sunday, February 10th, 2002 

at 2:58 p.m., 

Josie 

(Josefine, "May God Add")

was born.  

How precious to me are your thoughts, 

O God! 

How vast is the sum of them! 

Psalm 139:17

Isn't God AMAZING,
and

Generous, 

and 

too too Good to us!?!!


 now i must go and smother my baby-girl with hugs and kisses, 

on this the last day

of the first decade 

of her life!

i'm possible.

 photo from pinterest.  get it here. 

one version of dueteronomy 29:29b says, "The truth that has been revealed to you will not be taken from you or your children's children."

i love that.
love it.

i count on it.

i count on all the truth that is being revealed to me to belong to my children and to my children's children!  is there anything that i want more?  no.  absolutely nothing.

if you contrast my childhood to my children's it would be evident that i had so much of the opposite of truth poured into me.

but God.

He had people written into my story, who at the time seemed to play a very small role, but i see now were strategically penned in to illuminate Truth.  These individuals were devoted to, spoke of,  and pointed the way to God. They gave me nuggets of Truth that i now know were tucked into my being.

one of those nuggets was was given to me on Christmas day 1980.
(let me set the stage a little on 1980:  i was 7.  my sister and i had been living with my mom and first step-dad for 1 year, exactly.  that year my dad began bullying me, telling me a number of times and in a number of hurtful ways that i was not his daughter.  pot and promiscuity were not hidden from my young eyes}. 
  this nugget of truth came by way of a blue record player & record given to my younger sister and i by our first step-grandparents.  the record was Bill Gaither Trios,' Just For Kids.

my sister and i enjoyed the independence we had having our very own record player.  we played our record again and again and again, singing and parading around our strawberry shortcake bedroom together to the Trio.  one song on the album quickly became a favorite for us both, " i am a promise."

"i am a promise. i am a possibility. i am a promise with a capitol "P." i am a great big bundle of potentiality... 
i can be anything, 
anything God wants me to be." 

slather on the blue eyeshadow and listen to this vintage gaither.

i can't begin to explain the impact these lyrics had on that 7 yr old girl.  they caused me to BELIEVE  i. was. more.   intended to be NOT what my circumstances had assumed i would be,  BUT what God wanted me to be.

"it doesn't matter where you live, 

who your daddy is, or what you look like...

you can be exactly what God wants you to be, 

and He has something very special in mind for you."

did He ever! 

so today i praise God for the people He so thoughtfully and generously wrote into my life to bring Light into my darkness.  i praise Him that He is the God of all Hope. i count on Him to continue to reveal His Truth to me, and to also give this Truth to my children, and my children's children.  

what nugget of Truth did God give you as a child, 

that has not been taken from you?

" So here's what I want you to do.."

i've been blogging for 4.5 years.

when i began i was 33 {you're shocked, you thought i was younger, right?}. i was a stay at home wife and home schooling mommy of 3.  i was living the life here i'd always hoped would someday be mine, BUT i was so discontent.  people said {as they always do}, "enjoy it, it goes by fast."  i knew they were right, but what i really needed was for Someone to lead me by the hand and show me how to enjoy it.

i was also coming out of another string of physical illness as well as another season of depression {just weeks before my first post i'd had a hysterectomy}.  i was really sad.  sad that i was sick all. the. time. from my perspective i was a hindrance to my family.  i was sad that i could not physically be all the wife and mommy and human being that i wanted to be.  i was also mad.  mad that God kept allowing me to be weak while everyone around me seemed so strong. 

in the privacy of my home i sulked and asked "why?" a lot. 

it's really hard to live in joy when you're so consumed with "why." 

 

finally i was a newly recovering pharisee.  as a pharisee i had mastered the black & white, self-righteous, graceless, look-like-and-act-like-a-christian life.  my haughty attitude lead me to speak the most nauseating words, "God calls us to 'be perfect as He is perfect.' well,  i'm just about perfect, God might as well take me home." {GAG!}   thankfully God in His mercy showed me just how "perfect" i was NOT, and served me a Marie Callander's restaurant worth of humble-pies!  the Father made it crystal clear that He was not as rigid as i'd created Him to be.  as a recovering pharisee i was stumbling a lot as i learned to walk for the first time in humility and grace.  hindsight being 20/20 i see that the stumbling offered me ample opportunity to learn to live in humility and grace. i needed to live in both before i could extend them {life would be so much simpler if it could be lived presently with hindsight's perspective}. 

i had no idea the impact blogging would have on my life.  

no idea.

my s.i.l. lindsey was new to blogville.  she knew i was a journaler.  i recall her telling me that i should blog, that i would love it.  i honestly didn't know what a blog was. i snooped around and stalked a few bloggers for a little over a week, and then on good friday 2007 i posted my first post {i look back and think it is a sweet detail that i began blogging on a good friday. good things happen on good fridays that have changed the entire course of my life}.

a strange thing happened when i began blogging, i started searching high and low in my stay-at-home life, in my story, in my weakness, in my recovering pharisee, for "blog-worthy moments" to share on my little piece of the internet world {it was strange to me then, but is the norm now}.

 i didn't realize then that those "blog-worthy moments" were actually "praise worthy moments."   those moments were causing me to take my eyes off my "woe is me,"

and instead to 

"enter His gates with thanksgiving in my heart, to enter His courts with praise!"  

and boy, did i NEED in there. 

the result was that this once joyless, taking up residence in defeat {instead of victory} me, was wrapping my arms around the life that God had given me!!

blogging had become a form of worship!
with my eyes no longer on me, but on His goodness, i decreased and God increased.
 
God increased in my relationship with my husband and children.
God increased in my weakness as he became my strength. 
God increased as things in me were put to death so real-Jesus could be born in me.

"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life - your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life - and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him."

  Romans 12:1

The Message


How do you wrap your arms around the life God has given you?

Have you ever considered that blogging is a form of worship?

we're coming to america {part 3}

50th anniversary party!

the decorations

hydrangeas are the flower of the azores islands.

our island, flores {flowers in english} is breathtakingly covered in hydrangeas.

red, white & blue to honor america.

each table's centerpiece shared memories from my family's journey as well as historical facts from 1961.

{btw- we discovered at the party that it was not corn husks that were used in place of t.p., it was the corn cob! ewww}

photos from the 50 years in america were printed in sepia, and hung on twine by clothespins, to create  banners throughout the house.

what a blessing to see our family that began as 8 now be a whopping 53!

more stories were shared as we poured over the family photo albums together.

the food.

with the portuguese it is ALL about the food.

feeding someone well, and their enjoyment of their meal, is an expression of love.

when speaking of my grandmother i often say, "the way to HER heart is through YOUR stomach."

this was the first time the second generation got to feed {love} the first generation. 

i think we fed {loved} them well!

f.y.i. the "portuguese dip" sandwich could easily be mistaken for the french dip sandwich.

the familia {family}.

thank you God for these 50 years!
may You be glorified in the next 50.

do you come from a large family or a small family?

are there any traditions your family has 

when you gather together?

{thank you mel, from the larson lingo, for inspiring the r,w&b  decorations}.

We're Come'n To America {Part 2}

This is the story of my family, the Teodosio family {isn't that a cool name}, and how they came to America. 


My grandmother Josefina Greves was one of 17 children. My grandfather Antonio Teodosio was one of 12 children {11 biological and 1 adopted sister}. They lived on the westernmost point of Europe, on the Portuguese island of Flores.  A beautiful, but poor island.

My grandmother's grandfather Jose (pronounced "juh zeh") Greves had come to the United States, lived, worked, and obtained citizenship, and returned to the Azores.  In the early 1900's her father also Jose Greves, followed in his father's footsteps and came to America.  When he returned to Flores, Azores he married and began a family. His wife Marie Amelia, had no desire to leave her home, and so they lived the rest of their years in Faga Grande, Flores.


I wonder how a village on an island so small could hold a man who had seen so much of the world.  I am sure that he spoke of his adventures to America. I believe his adventure ignited a passion in his daughter, Josefina, to one day live in America. 

My grandparent's story isn't a fairytale, they grew up along side each other, and married in 1947.   They had 6 children; Violet, Marie, Victoria, Vera, Joe, and Hilda {These are their American names, changed when they moved here. Btw- with exception to Violet, all of my aunts first names are Marie}. They continued living in Flores for many years, but my grandmother wanted more, and they made plans to move their family to the Unites States.

On March 19,1961, 4 days after her 35th birthday, my grandmother, Josefina, arrived in California.  She entrusted her husband and sister to care for her 6 children (ages 12-4), so she could go ahead of them and establish a home in the U.S.  Upon her arrival she stayed with her uncle and aunt who helped her find work in a cannery, and loaned her money to send for her family.  In the meantime, my grandfather, Antonio, aunts and father, traveled from Flores to Sao Miguel to wait for their passports and airfare.  
The family was reunited 4 months later on July 31st  {the day after my grandparents 13th anniversary} in San Francisco, CA.
 
I once asked my grandmother what it was like to go to the San Francisco airport to get her husband and children.  She laughed and told me she had been advised to fix herself up as the American women do.  She wore a pretty dress, fixed up her hair, and painted her lips with red lipstick.  When my grandfather saw her he was livid.  After 4 months apart, he wouldn't speak to her {I think he may have been more upset that she left him with 6 children}. My Aunt Violet, shared that when she got off the plane in S.F. and saw her mother she didn't recognize her, "she was so beautiful."

After their arrival in America the entire family went to work picking peaches, and quickly paid off every borrowed cent that brought them to the U.S. 
My grandfather {42 years old} obtained a job at a dairy, and a few years later my grandmother at Hunt's tomato cannery {where she worked for 25+ years}.
 
My grandparents have been generous with their lives. In addition to raising their 6 children, my grandparents also raised my sister and I.  

Their family of 8 is now a family of 53!!! 

The newest member of our family was born Monday. Welcome, Ian Silva!!

In September of 2005 God took my grandfather, Antonio Teodosio, home and made him new. 
{for the last 10 years of his life he slowly faded away from us as he suffered from Alzheimer's}.  I miss him terribly.

The name Josefina, comes from Joseph which means "May God add." God has certainly added so much to our family because of my grandmother.

I feel blessed to be a Teodosio.  I am honored to be part of a family that pursued a dream; a family with courage.  

My grandparents have given me a rich heritage, a deep value for family, and were the first to model victory {overcoming obstacles} to me. 

I praise God that He wrote me into their story {tears}.

My gratitude is expressed by living a life that honors them and Him. 

**************************************************************************

Photos:
Top: Family photo at Aunt Violet's wedding. 
top row l-r: Marie, Violet, Victoria, Vera
bottom row l-r: Joe {my dad}, Antonio, Josefina, Hilda

Middle: My grandfather kissing me at my wedding reception (My grandfather gave me away}.

Bottom: My grandmother, sister Toni, and I



 

Come Away With Me!

Come away with Me

Come away with Me

It's never too late

It's not too late

It's not too late for you

I have a plan for you

I have a plan for you 

It's gonna be wild

It's gonna be great

It's gonna be full of Me

Open up your heart and Let Me in

Open up your heart and Let me in

It's been a year.

One year.

Since we left.

Left.

Left a church we loved.

I loved.

That loved me.

The leaving was so. incredibly. hard. 

But...

 I could hear the LORD beckoning me...

 "Come away with Me..."

He had been pulling me away for some time.

However...

I was clinging to that church.  Not to Him.

I was dependent on their love.  Not His.

My identity was found in that building, those people, my abilities there.  Not Him.

That church reigned in my life.  Not God.

And He is jealous for me.

Wants me for Himself.

   

He wooed me, "Come away with Me..." 

Urged me to, "Come away..."

Finally...

I did.

It's been a year.

One year of learning to cling to Jesus.  No one else.

One year dependent on His love. No one elses.

One year of being found in Him.  In no one or nothing else.

He reigns in my life.

It has been GREAT!

It has been WILD!

It has been Full of Him!

*****************************************************************************

This is not intended to prompt you to leave a church. Leaving my church of 17 years did not come with out much prayer.  We did not leave in anger.  We left out of obedience. Through God's leading we immediately found another church to attend.  We firmly believe that we are not to "give up meeting together."  We are grateful to be part of the Body of Christ- the church. 

I do encourage you however to listen to God's pull in your own life.

Is He beckoning you to "Come Away" with Him... 

to leave something that has become an idol or is a stronghold in your own life?

It's never too late.

He has a plan for you.

It is going to be full of Him!

 

tell

i talk too much.

but 
some stories can't be kept to self. 

His stories can't be kept to self.

i am afterall  His voice here.

to tell.

tell His stories.

the Spirit within me pleading to be ablaze.   

the fuse is lit.

dynamite on my tongue.

a God explosion erupts!


 His stories can't be kept to self.  

 

i must glorify.

however. 

whenever. 

glory can't be contained. 

 too much...

 about Him. 

One Body

We are God-sisters. 

We have the same Father.

We share the same history; "For God so loved the world HE GAVE His only son that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life."

(Dinner at El Cid Wed. Feb 2, to Celebrate Tami's 49th birthday, and to honor our beloved sister,  Amy). 

Each one of them part of my body, which is His body.

Each one of us created in His image; created for His glory.

They have His eyes.  They walk by "faith not by sight," embracing the Good Shepherd's mysterious ways.  See in others what they cannot see in themselves- redemption.

They have His ears.  They listen.  Bear with one another.  They hear the beat of His heart, and walk to the rhythm of that beat; metronomes inspiring each other to "tune our hearts to sing God's praise." 

They have His mouth. They open their mouths and let the Lord out.  They speak truth over lives. 

They have His arms.  They draw you in close; wrapping one another in Comforter, Life-Sustainer,  Savior.

They have His hands.  They give what was never theirs.  They hold what is His.

   

They have His feet; beautiful feet that bring good news. News of hope and grace.

They have His knees.  Knees that fall to the earth in intercession.  Knees that fall to the earth in humility and weakness.  They Exalt the LORD, ask for wisdom from the One who gives generously, and hope in the LORD our God.

Like me, they fail.  Fail themselves, their families, each other.  But Grace never fails them.

We are God-sisters.

The blood of Jesus that was shed for us for the redemption of our sins flows through the veins of each of our souls.

In Him we are one body.

Part of each other.

 As one we feel the anguish that comes from the brutal loss of one of our limbs.

We ache for union with her; our dear God-sister.

We know that part of us will be forever missing this side of heaven.

This grieves us.

But despair does not own us.

We KNOW that "Death has been swallowed up in victory."

Jesus has overcome death!!!

Each one of us is  reconciled to God through the cross. 

We are whole.

We drink in the Spirit.

Our Blessed Assurance.

And our mourning turns to rejoicing.

We fix our eyes not on what is seen but on what is unseen.

Together, as one, in the One, we hope in the LORD,

And eagerly wait for the glorious times ahead.

Let This Blessed Assurance Control

When peace like a river attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll
What ever my lot you have taught me to say
It is well, it is well with my soul

Though the devil will ruin, though trials may come
Let this blessed assurance control
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate
And He shed His own blood for my soul

It is well, with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul

My sin, oh the bliss of this glorious thought
My sin not in part but the whole
Is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, oh my soul

It is well, with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul

It is well with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul

And Lord haste the day when my faith shall be sight
And the clouds be rolled back as a scroll
The trump shall resound and the Lord shall descend
Even so, it is well with my soul

It is well with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul

Take My Life

Take my life and let it be
consecrated, Lord, to Thee.

Take my moments and my days,
let them flow in ceaseless praise.

Take my hands and let them move
at the impulse of Thy love.

Take my feet and let them be
swift and beautiful for Thee.

Take my voice and let me sing
always, only for my King.

Take my lips and let them be
filled with messages from Thee.

Take my silver and my gold
not a mite would I withhold.

Take my intellect and use
every power as You choose.

Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for Thee.

Take my will and make it Thine
it shall be no longer mine.

Take my heart it is Thine own
it shall be Thy royal throne.

Take my love, my Lord I pour
at Your feet its treasure store.

Take myself and I will be
ever, only, all for Thee.

Take myself and I will be
ever, only, all for Thee.

Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for Thee.

Video Chris Tomlin w/ Christy Nockles 

Soil Soul

"God breathes life into dirt."

That wasn't the main point of the message this Sunday at church, but it is what I heard.

What I continue to hear.

"God breathes life into dirt."

I wrote about being a soil soul that God is making fertile for changes.

The Gardener requiring this dirt to rest, supplying me with Him the nutrients I require for His purpose.

I am content in the resting.

Content knowing He will plant  

In His Time.  

The Spirit is tilling these words into my soil heart, 

"God breathes life into dirt." 

And I embrace the mercy of the Gardener
who goes ahead of my humanity,
my questions
with  hope for my future,
"God breathes life into dirt."

And I think about the immeasurable love of God.

That Love reached into the very depths of the earth, 

formed man, 

and loves so immensely that we 

take the Creators breath away. 

I take God's breath away. 

You, 

His beloved, 

take God's breath away.

"God breathes life into dirt."

Hindsight is Twenty Ten

January 1st beckons me to look back. 
Takes me by the hand and walks with me across the ground of the past 365 days.

I see Moving.

Sense Stillness. 

Recall the word Spirit whispered to me months ago...  
"Sanctification" 
(to purify, purge, set apart). 

 Feel the Creator weed, break up, and level my soil soul making it fertile for changes.

He uprooted me in so many areas that I had for self-love planted myself.

In mercy He is decomposing what was.  

Jesus Himself the Nutrients graciously replenishing the dirt.

Not Jesus and... this time.  

Just Jesus. 

All Jesus. 

The Gardener is requiring this soil to rest. 

Unseeded.

He will plant again... in His time. 

And instead of waiting with eager expectation I'm resting...

satisfied in Jesus.

This hasn't been an easy year (it never is), but it has been 
Oh. 
So. 
Good. 

2010 Favorite People, Moments & Posts

Test of Grace  a friend recently commented that "the best friendships are those that stand the test of time." i responded that "those friendships are wonderful indeed, but to me the best friendships are the ones that stand the test of grace." i need grace...

Beauty is a Homeless Man We met George Lucask in 2005. He had been a crippled, abused, toothless, homeless man living under a bridge in Fresno before a family from our church befriended him. They brought him to our mountain community, and arranged shelter for him at a local motel. They also made arrangements with a handful of families to visit with and provide one meal for George each day. We signed up for Tuesdays and Wednesdays...


Crazy. Wonderful. as my sister, toni, and i got in her car and drove away from oakdale, she said, "i'm tired. this day feels like it began a long time ago." i thought about the weight of her words and responded, "it did, it began 26 years ago when mike became our dad." 
the day caused us to revisit our childhood. together. which is much better than doing it alone. it is lonely to go there alone.

Do Silly yesterday was the neighbor boy's birthday. he's 10. 10's a big deal. to God he's a big deal.

Glory Speaking  i want my life to be a doxology (from the greek doxa, glory + logas, word or speaking). i was made to be glory speaking.


Roller-coaster of Love  my favorite video vlog from the year... me on a roller- coaster of course. 

Caleb's story i have 4 children. When some one asks me how many children i have my words speak of 3, but my heart whispers 4.  And Fearfully & Wonderfully Made

  Happy New Year!

Great Sorrow Becomes Great Joy!

This is me.  

1984. 

10 yrs old.  

Chubby cheeks. 

Silly personality. 

I don't know who took this photo of me on my elementary school campus.

I don't know who gave me the cross necklace...

but I'm certain they hoped the cross would change my life (24).

 

When I was 10 "dad" 3 walked out of my life and "dad" 4 (of 7) galloped in on his non-white horse. 

I was wise enough to the ways of my world to know this "dad," who thought he was our "knight in shining armor," wasn't staying.

Though  I was a child I was no longer disillusioned by promises of forever.

I no longer believed a refuge home and a wealth of love would be mine.
Instead of hoping I waited for forever promises to be broken. 

Someone had to live in reality. 

I had to let go of their fairy-tales.

As I let go I concluded that I was not worthy of all the delightful things little girls truly hoped for...
to be someones beauty,
to be a father's treasure

to be wanted

to be loved

BUT GOD

This 27yr old photo sits beside me with each post I type.
I look at it and hear the Redeemer say,
"I gave you the cross.  Abundant Life.  Forever.  Life in the wealth of My deep love for you.

I look at the 10yr old girl wearing the cross necklace,
and I whisper in her little girl ear, "God always had victory in mind for you."{25}

And my great sorrow becomes my great joy.(26)

You're Beautiful.

You are treasured

You are sacred

You are His.

Sharing 100 Joys with Sarah Marley.