To Read on the Journey

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

" So here's what I want you to do.."

i've been blogging for 4.5 years.

when i began i was 33 {you're shocked, you thought i was younger, right?}. i was a stay at home wife and home schooling mommy of 3.  i was living the life here i'd always hoped would someday be mine, BUT i was so discontent.  people said {as they always do}, "enjoy it, it goes by fast."  i knew they were right, but what i really needed was for Someone to lead me by the hand and show me how to enjoy it.

i was also coming out of another string of physical illness as well as another season of depression {just weeks before my first post i'd had a hysterectomy}.  i was really sad.  sad that i was sick all. the. time. from my perspective i was a hindrance to my family.  i was sad that i could not physically be all the wife and mommy and human being that i wanted to be.  i was also mad.  mad that God kept allowing me to be weak while everyone around me seemed so strong. 

in the privacy of my home i sulked and asked "why?" a lot. 
it's really hard to live in joy when you're so consumed with "why." 
finally i was a newly recovering pharisee.  as a pharisee i had mastered the black & white, self-righteous, graceless, look-like-and-act-like-a-christian life.  my haughty attitude lead me to speak the most nauseating words, "God calls us to 'be perfect as He is perfect.' well,  i'm just about perfect, God might as well take me home." {GAG!}   thankfully God in His mercy showed me just how "perfect" i was NOT, and served me a Marie Callander's restaurant worth of humble-pies!  the Father made it crystal clear that He was not as rigid as i'd created Him to be.  as a recovering pharisee i was stumbling a lot as i learned to walk for the first time in humility and grace.  hindsight being 20/20 i see that the stumbling offered me ample opportunity to learn to live in humility and grace. i needed to live in both before i could extend them {life would be so much simpler if it could be lived presently with hindsight's perspective}. 

i had no idea the impact blogging would have on my life.  

no idea.

my s.i.l. lindsey was new to blogville.  she knew i was a journaler.  i recall her telling me that i should blog, that i would love it.  i honestly didn't know what a blog was. i snooped around and stalked a few bloggers for a little over a week, and then on good friday 2007 i posted my first post {i look back and think it is a sweet detail that i began blogging on a good friday. good things happen on good fridays that have changed the entire course of my life}.

a strange thing happened when i began blogging, i started searching high and low in my stay-at-home life, in my story, in my weakness, in my recovering pharisee, for "blog-worthy moments" to share on my little piece of the internet world {it was strange to me then, but is the norm now}.

 i didn't realize then that those "blog-worthy moments" were actually "praise worthy moments."   those moments were causing me to take my eyes off my "woe is me,"
and instead to 
"enter His gates with thanksgiving in my heart, to enter His courts with praise!"  
and boy, did i NEED in there. 

the result was that this once joyless, taking up residence in defeat {instead of victory} me, was wrapping my arms around the life that God had given me!!

blogging had become a form of worship!
with my eyes no longer on me, but on His goodness, i decreased and God increased.
God increased in my relationship with my husband and children.
God increased in my weakness as he became my strength. 
God increased as things in me were put to death so real-Jesus could be born in me.

"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life - your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life - and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him."
  Romans 12:1
The Message

How do you wrap your arms around the life God has given you?

Have you ever considered that blogging is a form of worship?


Jeanette said...

I haven't thought at all about blogging in that way. Sometimes it feels like a safe place to "let it all out" and air out the woes and hardships of being a stay-at-home mom. (ha! - see today's post!)
thank you for being vulnerable and sharing the places you've been in. I so needed this today. thank you!

Charissa Steyn said...

great reflections..i do see writing as worship to God...I think he loves it when we pour our heart out to him and also use our everyday experiences to encourage others!

Leslie @ top of the page said...

no, i hadn't exactly considered it that way. and i love your thoughts. and this post rocks. it helps me understand your blog's title as well, too. your implication that victory is a ROAD, a journey, not a that.

Linda Z said...

I just love you!

Your heart and your words.

You encourage me so much.

I remember finding your blog and loving it so much... and then you were one of the first people to ever comment on mine. :) I don't know if I've ever said blogging was worship, but I think that was in my heart when I started... I wanted to focus on praiseworthy things, giving glory to God.

I so relate to the second paragraph of this post especially. "from my perspective i was a hindrance to my family"... I feel this almost daily... it brought tears to my eyes! Thank you for showing me your life beyond those days. It helps me to be hopeful. :)

Wonder said...

blogging helps me focus on thanksgiving and worship as well :). I'm having to learn, it's not so much worrying about how things come across, as what is going on in my heart and how God will use the story He is writing. thanks for the honest stuff of this post. blessings to you,
Annette :)

Kathleen said...

Yup, you've definitely allowed God to just shine on through you and your blog. Never thought of it as worship before, but it makes complete sense.

Thank you for sharing your ups, downs and the victory in all of it. Just beautiful.

The Every Day Extraordinary said...

I love figuring out what this blogging journey is for me--currently it is serving as a reminder of His plan for me--of looking back and hoping forwards...I wrote about that yesterday and credited you: )That quote is embroidered on my heart now...

hannah singer said...

denise, i love you. praising the lord for you.

i LOVE this perspective. it is my prayer, that all i do would honor jesus, worship him. lately, i have tried to be more intentional about it on my blog. a post about tithing, or even about favorite cupcake recipes...all of it can be for his glory. it is MY blog, but it isn't really about ME, it's HIS story. my life is his. so best be actin' like i know;)

i love blogging. i need blogging?
the lord has been teaching me so much, through my own "working things out" in a post, and especially posts by other bloggers. namely you.

the lord is at work in this internet town, look for him!! thanks for being amazing and sharing your heart!


psalm 89:1
i will sing of the steadfast love of the lord,
forever with my mouth i will make known your faithfulness to all generations.

Janna said...

This is a beautfil post - that's a great way to look at the blogworthy=praiseworthy. Very true.

Kimberly said...

Thank you so much for sharing this. I found your blog a few months ago...I think from A Cuppa Kim's blog...and I can't tell you how I found her blog...anyway, I've been subscribing and your posts are encouraging. I struggle with depression and part of the reason I started blogging more regularly was to help combat that -- kind of like you said, to find the blessings in my life. So thanks for sharing - it's nice to know that the blogging can lead to something important about Christ, and not just be a side hobby that's all about me.

Kristen said...

i don't know if i have ever thought of blogging as worship but it has definitely taught me to be more intentional. it has taught me to be less of a homebody and show up for life.

blog worthy = praiseworthy

blogging has also blessed me with you and that is praiseworthy.

btw - none of my comments on your other posts have shown up. boo! not sure what is happening.

Tasha said...

You are really getting me to think and I love it. I had never really thought of blogging as worshiping. But, I like that thought. I loved the part about how you said blogging made you look for the "Blog worthy moments in life" That is what I have come to love about blogging. It reminds me to find the happy things in the life. It reminds me to comfort those around me. To lift others. To encourage and cheer on those other that I read. It makes me see my life through a different perspective as I try to decide what to write about it. (I have a family blog besides my other blog and share different things on each). I seem to be in this little "funk" right now and I think you are helping me to see things again in a little different light. Thank you for this reminder. I was in need of it. You helped me tonight my friend.

Anonymous said...

Wow- thank you so much for posting this. I have been thinking about blogging alot lately as I come up on my one year anniversary of blogging. I prayed and really felt God leading me to know the purpose of my blogging is for Him. Not for me. Not for fame (haha).
Thanks for blogging!!