And I can't afford it, but it's mine

Recently, I was listening to a song I've heard a thousand times, "Something Changed" by Sara Groves, but this time one particular line from the song caught my attention- 

"And I can't afford it, but it's mine."

The reason it struck me is because I have been consumed with worry about our finances. So consumed that I can often waste my days fretting about the future, comparing and envying, feeling entitled, and buying a lie that God is withholding favor from me.
 
Hearing the lyrics, "and I can't afford it, but it's mine," has been a wake-up-call that my soul desperately needed.  This line has been on replay in my Spirit, and has lead me to replace that worry with this question- 'what IS MINE that I can't afford?' 
The answer is too much!

...

Emilie sits with me. Gives me her words, "You really are my best friend." She tears up, and voices how "lucky" she is to have Michael and I for her parents. She blesses. ...and I can't afford it, but it's mine.

Noah takes my hand, and the world is watching, but he refuses to care, he takes my hand and we walk. ...and I can't afford it, but it's mine.

Josie stops me in the hallway in mismatched jammies and tussled hair, she wraps her 11 yr old arms around me tight, "Mommy, I just love you." ... and I can't afford it, but it's mine.

I step outside to stand in the summer rain. The clouds shield my little part of the world from the exhausting heat. Michael joins me, wraps his arms around my waist, and pulls me close. ... and I can't afford it, but it's mine.

I encounter a sweet friend in the local coffee shop. We sip coffee, spill words and hearts, and hope in the the LORD our God together. ...and I can't afford it, but it's mine. 

I open up the word and read- "For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground; I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants. They will spring up like grass in a meadow, like poplar trees by flowing streams." Isaiah 44:3-4, and I embrace this truth, and remember that there is no-thing I want more than the Spirit poured out on my offspring, and blessing on my descendants. ...and I can't afford His Promises, but they are mine! 

 Yes, too much is mine which I cannot afford.
As I transfer my focus from have-not to have

 I see clearly 

that 

I am rolling in it!

   What can't you afford, but it's yours?

*************************************************

"Something Changed,"  Sara Groves

Something changed inside me broke wide open all spilled out
Till I had no doubt that something changed

Never would have believed it till I felt it in my own heart
In the deepest part the healing came

And I cannot make it
And I cannot fake it
And I can't afford it
But it's mine

Something so amazing in a heart so dark and dim
When a wall falls down and the light comes in

And I cannot make it
And I cannot fake it
And I can't afford it
But it's mine

Live in Peace,