To Read on the Journey

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

you're hot then you're cold...

birds are endothermic.
do you know what endothermic is?
if you do you are brilliant. 
if you don't that is okay.  i'm sure you know other interesting things and are brilliant, too. 
it is only because of homeschooling that i know what endothermic is {and a whole slew of other things i somehow missed learning the 13 yrs i was schooled}. 
simply put, for a bird it means that they transfer the energy from their food into energy to keep their bodies at the same temperature ALL the time.
because i hate being cold i would like to be a bird {being clothed in pretty feathers, and flying would be a major bonus}.  i am a winter wimp.  i am  currently draped in an electric throw blanket, the heater is on, and two space heaters are purring.  instead i am dressed like a bird -in layers of down- to ward off winter chills.  i also hate being hot.  not being affected by sweltering temps in june when it hits 106 would be off-the-hook!

i was thinking earlier that i would like to be endothermic emotionally.   i was thinking it would be easier if i could keep my emotions at one temperature ALL the time.

instead of being emotionally high AND low, i would be calm and collected, all. the. time. 

that would be nice.
nice would be easy.
i think i'd like easy.

while i was thinking about how easy even-keel would be, i griped to God.  because i am not  emotionally endothermic, i yarp at God a lot.

i yarp about being the likely inspiration for katy perry's lyric's~ "you're hot then you're cold, you're yes then you're no, you're in then you're out, you're up then you're down."

i yarp about other people, who from my perspective {which is questionable}, seem to be emotionally the same temperature all the time.  when i am a basket-case i am cocktail of envious of them and embarrassed of myself.

i yarp about my roller-coastering emotions being a regular occurrence {with increases at certain times of the month or when my stash of closet chocolate is out} i whine at God a lot.  thankfully, God is "gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, and quick in love" {i need it}.

because God is quick in love, He doesn't let me reside in my yarp forever.  He waits for me to cry it out, then lifts up my head.  When my tears are wiped away and i can see more clearly He reminds me of His mercies, and why He allows me to have emotions.

He reminds me of emotions that have stung {still sting}.  the sting of being denied by my father, abandoned by my mother, left by step-dads, and other sucky things that could have lead me to the bottle, but instead lead me straight to His arms at Hume Lake Christian Camp in 1988.

He allows my emotions to remind me of the grief of being unwanted, of believing myself unworthy of love {feelings that, occasionally, still grieve me}.  Then as deeply as my emotions plunge, so heavenly do they fly!  when i remember how how the Rescuer brought me out of defeat and into abundant life in Christ!
{ michael, noah, emilie &  josie, and this life i live with them in Christ's love, 
is leaps and bounds  more abundant than i could have dreamed or imagined}

He tells me my emotions are a gift, that lead me into His arms,
causing me to need Him every hour,
and  in every circumstance.

if i were emotionally one temperature all the time i wouldn't need my Savior.

maybe needing Him is the most beautiful thing about me.

put another way
I pray that God causes each of us to embrace the curves, angles, and crooked that He allows in our lives to draw us into His cozy arms, and for Grace to cause us to see each other most beautiful when we NEED Savior.  

note:after writing this post i learned that people are endothermic. i should probably get a few more years of homeschooling under my belt before i use sciency terms  in my posts. 


Laura said...

your story is my favorite.
BECAUSE it has been so up and down, hot and cold, loved and unloved...
it inspires, fascinates, and encourages me.

You make me feel not alone.
Especially when you are really, YOUR down, is an UP!

And I agree.
I have been saying that this neck injury of mine never would have happened if God could have just lifted this dang cross off of my back!!!
But we know the truth...
I need the cross.
The cross brings me back to Him.
And I do need Him.
Every single second of my every up and down day.

I just really love you :-)

forever folding laundry said...

Oh, that I would not take anything for granted!!
Praise Him for every kind of day.

Thank you for this reminder, friend.
You are such a light.


Linda Z said...

I do not like Katy Perry.

But I LOVE you and I LOVE this post.

I am glad you are not emotionally endothermic. God made you to feel things so deeply and rejoice so exuberantly, and I love that about you. The highs and the lows... they are all beautiful as He weaves His story through them all.

Leslie @ top of the page said...

my favorite post of yours ever. for reals. and that idea of being emotionally endothermic is a really good one. i want to be that a lot too. and i may or may not have sorta freaked out the other night upon realizing i left the turtles outdoors and i tried to explain to the kids how justified my fervor was becase turtles are exothermic and it was cold! they didn't really get it.

hannah singer said...

denise, this is BEAUTIFUL.
lovely written reminder.
you are a gem, and i adore you. xo

praying for ya!

SnoWhite said...

I appreciate your message here today... but, I have to say - you are an endotherm! Just like the bird, your body uses heat generated from breaking down your food to help you maintain a constant internal body temperature (i.e., around 98.6 degrees), which you maintain year round! So... you are just like the bird.

But, that doesn't change our need for God! I love the words "I need thee every hour" -- reminds me of the version Selah sings... now, I'm off to take a listen!