"But you walked away from your first love- why? What's going on with you, anyway? Do you have any idea how far you've fallen? A Lucifer fall!
Turn back! Recover your dear early love."
Revelation 2:4-5a The Message
dear blog friends, i want you to know this is all being unveiled in the past few weeks. even as i type i am glimpsing the reality of who i've been... and i am seeing who God has been.
He has been wonderfully Jealous for me.
He has been Faithful.
He has waited for me to return to him.
He has whispered in my ear countless times (yes, i've heard him) to "return to Him, my First Love."
For now, God has lead us to a different church (40 minuets away). each week as i enter worship, i hear Him say "return to your First Love." each message seems to rekindle the intimacy God and i had in those first days. He is romancing me. wooing me.
i don't deserve it. i feel as one who has been unfaithful. i am having a hard time receiving his affection, so unworthy...but still, He romances me.
God gave me this image a few weeks ago- of a room filled (preoccupied) with the church (my idol). little by little that room was cleared out. and then it sat empty.
empty is where i am now.
God is gently showing me that empty is good.
And this is why, there is more to the image- after the room sat empty, this bride longed only for her Lover and One True God.
And He came...
and HE FILLED THAT ROOM.
and He changed the sign on the door to read "Occupied."
hmmm.
so what does a believer preoccupied with Christ look like?
what does a wife and mother preoccupied with Christ look like?
what does a member of the body(church) of Christ look like?
glory.
My God I want to live a life that glorifies you. Cause me to long for You, God. I want you to be my only Lover, my only God. Be the One who occupies my heart, mind, and soul. Heal me through and through. Thank you for the ways you magnify Your mercy on me, Continue to tell me, show me how you are madly in love with me. Show Yourself to me. Show me the way to Your heart. Sanctify me. Make me one with You. in Jesus Who Saves and Redeems my life, amen.
4 comments:
deep breath and then release. That is what I have to do whenever I read your posts.
I mean this so seriously, you are writing the words as they apply to you but they could so apply to me. I am not, however, strong enough to write those down yet---or even utter them out loud because then I am accountable. If they are just swimming around in my mind, I can drown them--out in the open I have to live up to them.
Thank you for stirring my soul in the deep dark places that so need to be stirred.
paige
Denise,
I won't begin to try and understand the specifics of this,
I think we all can get caught up in the wrong reasons for doing many things.
It seems to me that the important thing is that you recognized something that you weren't comfortable with and are trying to do better.
That's all we can do. Be aware . Try .
even when it comes to giving others grace.
I still have a ways to go with my story.
But I am trying .
hugs,
deb
what a beautiful series friend. i'm sorry i'm late to read it.
i think that you are right where you need to be: open to Him, listening to Him and focused on Him.
It's all part of the journey. All of it.
I'm proud of you for being obedient to Him even when it was difficult. I'm also proud of you to be willing to be wooed. so many aren't.
love you so much.
i am glad you are in the empty.
and that He is filling that place.
i need to get there too.
may you continue to draw near to the One who makes all things new.
may He continue to show you His faithfulness and deep love for you.
denise, you DO glorify Him... and he is proud of you.
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