To Read on the Journey

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

significant

i sat on the couch beside michael and told him i was tired of being insignificant.

"i'm just a mom. i know what i do here at home will produce a bountiful harvest, some day,
but today, most days, i feel so insignificant.

i look at others, making a name for themselves...
she is gaining recognition for this. 
she has a reputation for that. 
they have favor for this.
but me,
i am nameless.  
nothing. 


i don't want to feel insignificant anymore"

and that is where the conversation ended.


******************** fast forward 3.5 hrs. **********************

to an hour with a group of women.
strangers.
together.
seeking God.
each of us with unique God stories surveying the Author's book to find Him.
sharing and receiving pieces of God alive; God moving 
in the past, in the present, in the now.

during the hour a question.
a question which prompted me to tell.
tell how God had been tangible God.

i tell.
tell about suffocating darkness.  about LORD God almighty (God of angel armies).
tell of tangible arms being wrapped around me.
tell about God alive, audible, telling the oppressor i am His, he can't have me.

as i tell the Spirit moves.
where,
how, 
i do not know.
i tremble.

after our gathering i move on to another meeting place.
where i am taken aside.
my teacher thanks me for telling.
telling my stories. His stories.
she tells me of a classmate who has not given her life to Jesus... yet.
she tells me that this beautiful woman is stirred by my stories. 
God's glory.
she urges me to keep telling.

as she walks away i recall sitting on the couch hours earlier.
reminded of  insignificance
i hear the still small Voice,
"you, denise are significant in my kingdom.
you, are making a Name for me."


i am humbled.
humbled by my pride that wanted fame for self.

i am grateful.
grateful for the Father who lovingly leads me in path's of righteousness for His Name's sake.

and i am honored.
honored to be part of His kingdom come, and to make Him significant {made known}.


16 comments:

Cari said...

In Beth Moore's study "Jesus the One and Only" she discusses the admonition to "take up our cross and follow Him" and that in reality that means our footprints are erased by the foot of the cross as it is dragged behind us in the sand. Many times I have thought of that analogy and tried to embrace it. You know me, I "get it right" about 1% of the time :D Love you and look forward to seeing you tomorrow.

Gina said...

I love this, it reminds me that I always need to be aware of how God directs my paths, my steps, and my words. It encourages me to open my mouth when the Spirit leads and share my life, share my story. Sometimes (okay, lots of times) I want to see the whole picture of what God is doing, but he gives me bits and glimpses of him along the way. I'm grateful for those-thanks for the reminder that he's got it all under control. And that it's all about him, not about me!

Kathleen said...

We never know who needs to know our story, or how it will glorify God to someone else. What's so central to this is that your obedience is glorifying Him in you so beautifully.

Alana said...

I see you as very significant. I think you are one of the coolest people I "know". Truly. I love how God can remind us of these things.

Simply Sara said...

denise.

you are so very significant.

don't know what my life would be like without you.

i am SO very thankful that you allow His spirit in you to challenge, encourage and inspire me.

love you.

denise said...

Love this post! We're here to make much of Him, not to be made much of, amen?

Renee said...

How wonderful that God answered your request in such a personal way and so quickly.

I too, see you as very significant. Your stories move me, your heart inspires me, and your words encourage me. Because of Him that is in you.

Thanks for the reminder of what makes us significant. I often feel the way you did on the couch.

mama holly said...

I love that we live in a parallel universe with our creator where there is so much more that is significant. And I'm glad that I get you on this side of heaven as well at the other side.

Shelley said...

I don't know what to say...this post is beautiful. I used to have a very prestigious career in heart surgery....I still never felt significant. Now that I live a life yielded to Christ...that has all changed. I know He has plans for me and I pray each day that He uses me to bless others as I glorify Him.

Jeanette said...

amen! thanks for the timely reminder! :)

gideonmommasita said...

It is amazing to me that you felt insignificant...you who are beautiful, you who are ubber creative, you who has a beautiful voice, you who can write amazing stories of your faith. I love where you found your significance, thank you for another great post.

Janelle said...

Such a beautiful writer. Such a beautiful lady. Such a special mommy.

I do get it though. This job of mothering is so hard and the mundane just takes it's toll.

Glad you were open to His beckoning.

Jessica Johnson said...

amen, girl. AMEN. His story is the greatest story. The only story for significance. I love your words. Love your heart in this post - His heart ;)

Jessica said...

Beautiful. I can relate.

Jessica said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kristen said...

i remember having a similar conversation with you last summer sitting on the beach at the lake. it is hard to see our significance when we are dealing with "horror" mones, wiping tears, grocery shopping, budgeting, schooling... does anyone even notice? i struggle with this at times myself. i think we all have a desire to be seen. to be known.

you are significant. you make a difference in people's lives. i know you have made a difference in mine.

love you friend so so much!