14

it's noah's 14th  birthday today, and i can brag if i want to.

noah is awesome 

really.

 it's impossible not to think someone is awesome when they love you a lot.

as i'm typing he's sitting beside me and looking at me.

he does that.

just looks at me.

he is very affectionate throughout the day. every morning he finds me to hug me.  he nestles into me, finding his spot in my arms.

he sees me and tells me i am pretty.  he begins in the morning when  i have bedhead and morning breath and other morning atrocities.  he reminds me throughout the day that i am pretty to him, and that he is "so glad i am his mom." 

he. sees. me. 

he's really cool to talk to.  he gets me. he is compassionate and tender with my heart. he really cares for me.  he's a deep thinker.  i like when he shares with me what is stirring inside him.  he doesn't know it, but the Spirit speaks truth into my life through him. 

when we are walking together he always grabs my hand. always. 

 he's my man when his dad isn't home; opening doors, jars, carrying heavy loads.

he's so handsome. i tell him i never have to make anything creative or amazing ever again because i outdid myself with him.  

he loves me.  a lot.

he is good to his sisters, too.

you should send me lots of $ and give me land and cows for a dowry so your daughter can marry him {in 30 years}.  she would be getting quiet a catch!

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we didn't know  noah's gender before he was born.

we decided to be surprised with the announcement of pink or blue. 

i was astonished when after 46 min. of pushing the doctor placed the 8lb 14oz baby on my tummy and announced "it's a boy."

i know the odds are 50/50, but at 24 i naively figured i was having a girl because i had no idea what to do with a boy. 

i recall inquiring of God's choice, "a boy?"

to which He answered, "now you have two men to love you."

my new mommy heart absorbed God's words and i joyously responded to Him, "a boy!"

from that day on i knew God's number one purpose in giving me noah -whose name means: rest, not broken, made whole- was to love me.

at 24, after being rejected by my own father and left by too many others it made sense that i would build an emotional barrier between me and love, particularly accepting love from a man.

but God.

first He gave me an a.maz.ing man in michael to love me.

{who by the way when we started dating was told by another godly man, "what denise needs is love. just love her." at 19 michael agreed to do just that, and has loved me with the tender love of Christ  ever since}.

then God goes all out again and give me this handsome boy... to love me!

it's overwhelming. 

"i scarce can take it in"

that's so my God!

and here's what i'm glad i got pretty quickly- if God gave me these two men with the purpose of loving me through them, than i'd better let them and Him do it!

i better embrace their love...

His love through them. 

do you understand what i'm saying?

that means no telling them, "no you don't."

no not trusting them and keeping them emotionally and physically at arms length.

it meant even if it made me uncomfortable, that i had to take in every ounce of their love. i HAD to.

i had to choose breath in their love, absorb it into my being, and allow all that was toxic to be replaced, by their overwhelming, unconditional, intoxicating love.

hmm,.."rest. not broken. made whole."

so today i don't only celebrate 14 years of being the mother to my awesome boy,

i celebrate 14 years of embracing God's-too-generous- LAVISHED-on-me-love that He gives to me through noah, michael, and Himself  {and the girls, but that's another story}.

i am blessed!