To Read on the Journey

Saturday, June 26, 2010


i'm "that mom."

the one i feared, and determined i'd never be.

i'm short fused and blow at the tiniest unintentional offenses;
book neglected on the couch,
beverage cups rejected, and multiplying on the counter,
light left on in the bedroom closet,
fingernail clippings in the sink (eeeww),
a mountain of shoes piled up beside the shoe bins,
this-that-and-too-much-of-the-other forgotten in the van,
videos, wii games, and remote controls abandoned in the family room.

like ALL parents, i have many opportunities to EXPLODE!

i lack in the grace department.  i EXPLODE.... A LOT.

but i don't want to be  "that mom" anymore.

yes, i want my 3 to be responsible, follow through, finish well people, but the route i'm taking (nagging, yelling,  fill-in-the-blank-ing at them) is doing them more harm than good.

though i lack in the grace department, this can't be used as an excuse to be graceless.

i am  not incapable of being gracious. my longtime faithless friends; Frustration, Control, Disappointment, and Selfishness would like me to think otherwise (let's call them the "Plagues").

But Grace has pursued me.  yes, we've dated a little.  Grace sees in me what i cannot see in myself, but have secretly hoped was there.  In just a few encounters i've grown madly-in-like with Grace (Love is in our future, i know it).  i'm ready to jump into a committed relationship with Grace (Grace told me it wants me, just as i am).

it's not a surprise that the "Plagues" won't let me sever our relationship easily. i want to break it off, but the familiarity of our twisted relationship is so tantalizing (especially when i'm in pain, or hOrMoNaL). 

however, i know something they don't... i am made in Christ's image.

Jesus is Grace.

And because of Him, "i am a new creation, the old has gone, the new has come."

I Am Grace. 

grace collage

my hope is that someday my children will say,  "i want to be a mom like my mom."  she defeated Frustration, Control, Disappointment, and Selfishness.  she looked for grace and found it... nestled on the couch cushions, multiplied on the counter, shining in the closet, on top of a mountain, and in this-that-and-too-much-of-the-other.  she embraced the Grace she found {which was ALWAYS embracing her}, and wrapped Grace around us."

Dear Grace,  help me to seek You, find You, embrace You, live in You, extend You. i long to open my doors to You. to live in Your wide-open spaces, and to bring glory to You.  thank you for the opportunities my children give me to look for You.  Help me to seek you instead of settling into my not-so-old habits.  shape me into who You want, and have written me to be- an image/reflection of Grace.  glorifying you , may my children learn to embrace you as well, live in Your fullness, and glorify You as well. In Jesus, Amen.


Simply Sara said...

"dear grace....thank you for the opportunities my children give me to look for You."

wow. reading that was a slap in the face. (in a good way of course.)

i too am "that mom."
it so pains me to write that. my heart breaks at how often i have allowed myself to extend anger, frustration, bitterness and control to my kids rather than grace.

i have never stopped to realize that all my "grrrrrr" moments are actually opportunities to seek grace. to seek Him. and to show my kids what finding Him looks like.

dear grace... i need you too. desperately. help me to seek you. especially in my not-so-graceful moments. change me grace. amen.

Mallerie Kristine said...

I needed this today. I unfortunately am "that mom" too. Thank you for sharing. :)

Home's Where My Heart Is said...

I am that Mom, too. And I need lots of work.

Phyllis said...

I unexpectedly came across your blog a week or so ago and am so drawn to your heart for God. When will your book will be published? You are writing a book, right? If not, you need to be ~ God's given you an amazing gift with words, inspiration, and encouragement that needs to go beyond the web.

Cari said...

Soooo there with you. I want to choose it because I know it's a choice. For today, I choose grace, for myself, for my family, for others. :D

Sarah Markley said...

but grace.

only that.

love you. i'm that mom, by the way.

Alexis said...

A little bit of this and that in me as well. Spoken of truth and well. It's amazing the little moments I have, the 'mom moments', where God places conviction to slow down, 'be still and know'.

Thanks for the reminder!

denise said...

Just moments after I've corrected my daughter for lacking self-control, I'll find myself struggling with the exact same thing. So frustrating!

Yet, grace is so freeing. And empowering.

The Writer Chic said...

Yes! Awesome post!

Paige said... take my breath away with your words!


Kristen said...

i need to be more of what i say that what i am.... i expect things from them that i don't always exhibit myself. ouch!

this was challenging for me.

thanks for your honesty and vulnerability.

love you!