this-that-and-too-much-of-the-other

i'm "that mom."

the one i feared, and determined i'd never be.

i'm short fused and blow at the tiniest unintentional offenses;

book neglected on the couch,

beverage cups rejected, and multiplying on the counter,

light left on in the bedroom closet,

fingernail clippings in the sink (eeeww),

a mountain of shoes piled up beside the shoe bins,

this-that-and-too-much-of-the-other forgotten in the van,

videos, wii games, and remote controls abandoned in the family room.

like ALL parents, i have many opportunities to EXPLODE!

i lack in the grace department.  i EXPLODE.... A LOT.

but i don't want to be  "that mom" anymore.

yes, i want my 3 to be responsible, follow through, finish well people, but the route i'm taking (nagging, yelling,  fill-in-the-blank-ing at them) is doing them more harm than good.

though i lack in the grace department, this can't be used as an excuse to be graceless.

i am  not incapable of being gracious. my longtime faithless friends; Frustration, Control, Disappointment, and Selfishness would like me to think otherwise (let's call them the "Plagues").

But Grace has pursued me.  yes, we've dated a little.  Grace sees in me what i cannot see in myself, but have secretly hoped was there.  In just a few encounters i've grown madly-in-like with Grace (Love is in our future, i know it).  i'm ready to jump into a committed relationship with Grace (Grace told me it wants me, just as i am).

it's not a surprise that the "Plagues" won't let me sever our relationship easily. i want to break it off, but the familiarity of our twisted relationship is so tantalizing (especially when i'm in pain, or hOrMoNaL). 

however, i know something they don't... i am made in Christ's image.

Jesus is Grace.

And because of Him, "i am a new creation, the old has gone, the new has come."

I Am Grace. 



my hope is that someday my children will say,  "i want to be a mom like my mom."  she defeated Frustration, Control, Disappointment, and Selfishness.  she looked for grace and found it... nestled on the couch cushions, multiplied on the counter, shining in the closet, on top of a mountain, and in this-that-and-too-much-of-the-other.  she embraced the Grace she found {which was ALWAYS embracing her}, and wrapped Grace around us."

Dear Grace,  help me to seek You, find You, embrace You, live in You, extend You. i long to open my doors to You. to live in Your wide-open spaces, and to bring glory to You.  thank you for the opportunities my children give me to look for You.  Help me to seek you instead of settling into my not-so-old habits.  shape me into who You want, and have written me to be- an image/reflection of Grace.  glorifying you , may my children learn to embrace you as well, live in Your fullness, and glorify You as well. In Jesus, Amen.