To Read on the Journey

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Sentimentally Ill

Noah & I- (He's a yummy 2yr old)

I'm crazy about this guy!

On Monday he goes to high school! 

For the entire summer I've been emotional, sappy, stealing hugs, holding him longer, and  pouting to Noah.  Pouting (which is a bit pathetic, but oh so hard to refrain from) I say,   "I only have 4 more years" and  "I can't believe you're going to high school" and "please don't leave me" and "it went too fast" and "why can't you be 3" and "it's almost over."  

The reality of Noah going to high school smacks me upside the head about a dozen times a day, and as a result I find myself in a few moments of tears followed by feeling ashamedly sorry for myself and rerunning my pouting episode again (and again and again and...).

Noah's been with me for 14 years now so he knows how to handle me when I get this way:
A). He tunes me out.
B). He gives me "the look" and a long I'll never leave you and I love you, too hug.
C). He gives me a look that is not "the look" and I know to go cry it out in my closet where my emergency chocolate is. 

Needless to say, "B" is my favorite response ("C" is only tolerable because of the chocolate).

A few weeks ago and midway through my fits Josie asked if I was "sentimentally ill."  Josie  says the wittiest things.   Coincidentally, she may have just diagnosed a whole batch of mothers, who like me, don't want their babies to ever leave the nest (unless they vow to build their nests next door, which mine have ALL promised to do). 

During the time I have been affected by "sentimental illness" Noah has been his usual calm, cool, collected self  (Get's it from his father. Thank God one of us is sane)... 
until the other night.
Noah-3, calm, cool, and collected in his daddy's childhood sunglasses. 

We were driving home from his high school's freshman orientation night when he coolly stated, " I don't feel nervous at all."  I just listened (note to future mother's of teenage boys: when they start talking you say NOTHING).  Noah continued about his lack of nerves and how he felt fine about high school, then he was quiet for a  mile or two...

AND THEN 
my calm, cool, collected son's 
demeanor changed
and he had a stunned expression on his face. 
He looked at me in disbelief 
and shouted, 
"I'M GOING TO HIGH SCHOOL!?!!"

He shook his head, "High School.  I'm going to high school."  
He let it sink in for the first time..."I only have 4 more years!" (Uh, hello Kid!  This is what I have been telling you).  
He started putting two n' two together and said, "I only have one more summer to be a kid,  after that I'll have a summer job, and then I'll either always have a job or school or both... I only have one more summer to be a kid!" (Woooooah, Nellie!)  
"720 days till I'm a professional" (This was mentioned at the orientation- 720 school days.  Really could have used my emergency chocolate then).  
Noah let it all sink in, then sat back in his chair resolved, "I'm going to high school."  

He's going to high school.
  Noah-5, Kindergarten  

 Maybe when Josie grows up (somebody hold me) she will find a cure for "sentimental illness."  Only then will teenagers be spared the agony of overly emotional clingy mothers.  Until then I recommend teens take some lessons from Noah, and that weepy mothers stock up on tissues, over-sized sunglasses (to hide ugly-cry-face, cause  you know I'm going to need these come Monday), and an excessive amount of really good chocolate.

********************************************************************

My prayer for Noah in this new season of his life (and always)
 comes from Prince Caspian by C.S. Lewis

"She never stopped to think whether he was a friendly lion or not. She rushed to him. She felt her heart would burst if she lost a moment. And the next thing she new was that she was kissing him and putting her arms as far around his neck as she could and burying her face in the beautiful rich silkiness of his mane. "Aslan, Aslan. Dear Aslan," sobbed Lucy. "At last." The great beast rolled over on his side so that Lucy fell, half sitting and half lying between his front paws. He bent forward and just touched her nose with his tongue. His warm breath came all around her. She gazed up into the large wise face. "Welcome child," he said. "Aslan," said Lucy, "you're bigger." "That is because you are older, little one,"answered he. "Not because you are?" "I am not.  But every year you grow, you will find me bigger."


Noah it is my prayer that you grow to have this intimacy with the LORD God; rushing to Him, kissing Him, putting your arms as far around His neck as you can, burying your face into magnificent God, always finding Home in His mighty arms!  I pray for you to experience His warm Breath (Spirit) on you, in you, coming out of you.  I pray for you to always gaze UP into His large wise face- see Him and seek Him- He WILL lead you.  And  as you grow I long for you in Christ to find Him bigger
 In the name of Jesus- our Savior and Hope, amen.


8 comments:

melaniecrutchfield.com said...

So beautiful, Denise. Little Noah…chasing childhood. At least he has a bit of cognizance about it—now he's primed to make the best of every moment.

Luckily for me, Imogen will never grow up. Except when she skips directly to 35, in a stable, loving relationship with a job that pays a billion dollars so she can pay for my doctor-prescribed margaritas. I've got it all figured out.

In Wonder said...

i am feeling a bit "sentimentally-ill" about my sweet girl goinginto 6th grade...sigh. what a good "mommie" word descrip. :). sending sunshiny-yellow flowers to brighten your day! annette

Joy Kinard said...

I have been a weepy mess this week as well. We're riding in the same boat, you and I. My Jordan is headed to high school on Tuesday and I can hardly believe it. I just blinked and here we are. So hard.

Thea Nelson said...

You know how, for people who have really lived to the glory of God, at the end of their life they can be at peace knowing they lived well?

I know at the end of this time of Noah being home with you, you can stand in the peace that you have raised him WELL. Extraordinarily well. To the glory of God.

That being said, my heart hurts for you and I blubbered my way through your post! Trevor is in 1st grade and I am already trying to raise him like I know the time will pass quickly. Because it has. And it will.

Love you.

Thea Nelson said...

You know how, for people who have really lived to the glory of God, at the end of their life they can be at peace knowing they lived well?

I know at the end of this time of Noah being home with you, you can stand in the peace that you have raised him WELL. Extraordinarily well. To the glory of God.

That being said, my heart hurts for you and I blubbered my way through your post! Trevor is in 1st grade and I am already trying to raise him like I know the time will pass quickly. Because it has. And it will.

Love you.

Heather said...

Oh yes I do know this moment well. My second and middle child is starting high school this year but we are homeschooling so I do not have to send him off~My oldest attended 9th grade of the local high school. Now he is in 11th it goes by so quickly I think more than anything the one thing we remember about 9th grade the most was our son had a massive growth spurt and grew taller than us lol!! We had anticipated all sorts of things about that year but that was not one of them. ~Hope he has a wonderful year growing strong in wisdom and stature with the Lord ~Beautiful pictures ~Love Heather

Gina said...

And now I'm crying too. I'm feeling sentimentally ill that I will have 3 kids in school, all day come September. For the first time in ten years I will have not have a kid at home, ughhh...I flip between tears and a bit of excitement all the time. I think I better get an emergency chocolate stash too!

Praying for you and him as a new school starts tomorrow, peace, peace, peace!

Sweet Annabelle said...

Clive just nails it, doesn't he!