To Read on the Journey

Sunday, August 3, 2008

letting go

We dropped Noah and Emilie off for camp again today, for 2 weeks!

The original plan at the beginning of summer was that they would go to Sherwood Forest at Calvin Crest for 1 week.By mid June they were given another opportunity to go to camp at YSSC for 2 weeks.
Let me be honest, I said no originally to letting them go. I was not (am not) ready for them to be gone for 2 whole weeks. But after hearing about the wonderful program, staff, campers, and adventures they would experience I knew this mommy needed to let go.

I hold them tightly. I do (tears). I LOVE them.
There are many reasons I hold on to them so tightly.
First, like many mothers I fear life without them, I trust myself to care for and be their protector.
Another reason is that nobody held on to me when I was a child. I desperately desired to be wanted, treasured, valued, kept. No day goes by without my children knowing how I treasure them.
Next, I am selfish. I want to share every moment with them, I want to be a part of all their memories.

And Last, because the old ladies in the grocery store were right- the ones who'd approach me when they were babies, and say, "enjoy them, it goes by fast." It does go by fast, too fast.
and it feels like every time they walk away from me that they are moving closer and closer to walking away from me for good (tears). I just want to keep them here and mine forever.
But I can't.
So, I let them go... And watch them walk, and pray that as they walk away from me they walk to Jesus.


Our Story said...

can you send me the address for camp so i can send them each a letter. i loved getting mail when i was away at camp. it probably won't get there until after they have left, but... you totally did the right thing by letting them go. I lvoed my time at YSSC! - Jennifer

Stephanie said...

They are going to have a WONDERFUL time but I know exactly what you mean! I never felt extraordinarily wanted when I was little so I tend to hold on a little tighter myself. That will just make them coming home even sweeter :)

Jennifer said...

Oh, Denise, my heart feels clenched just reading about it! They will have so much fun, but this phase is so hard for us, isn't it?

You're braver than I - I just said no to a much-shorter out-of-state trip because I just couldn't do it.
I know it's coming.
Just not today...

christi said...

oh the memories of summer camp...i loved forest home and calvin i wish my parents would have let me go for 2 weeks! it wasn't until high school, when i'd go as a camper and then a counselor that i got to go for 2 weeks (or more!). those are some great memories.

Shirin said...

The moment I had them in utero I realized the letting go had begun. They've never ever been mine to hold onto and yet all these years later each letting go event remains bitter-sweet. I wonder if God feels that way about me...even though He knows He'll bring me home safe and sound someday.

Kristen said...

i'm crying. i don't want them to get older. i don't want to let them go. can't they just stay little forever?? can't you be my neighbor so we can commiserate together?