Letting Go, ready or not here i come.

8 years ago i fully intended to send all my children to traditional school.

before noah entered kindergarten i visited the school he'd be attending to observe in his future  classroom, and to enroll him for the following school year.

after observing, and with enrollment papers in hand, i returned to my van and proceeded out of the school parking lot.  however, the enthusiasm i felt as i arrived at the school had vanished (btw- the school was idea. across the street, less than 80 students k-6, and the teacher was a friend).  i recall thinking, "i can't do this."  i was experiencing normal mommy emotions, and wasn't ready for my baby to leave the nest. but i was far less ready for what came next as God said, "your NOT doing this." what did God say?  what was he proposing instead?  NO!!!  tears mixed with panic, as i heard him say, "denise, your home schooling." the levies that held back my fearful tears broke open, and i cried, "please don't make me do this!"

i've been home schooling for 7 years now.

home schooling has been a blessing.  singing "this is the day the Lord has made" everyday, followed by reading God's word, and the encouragement that comes from their childlike faith and challenging questions has grown me.  teaching my children to read was a highlight, their first words read were as exciting as their first word spoken.  watching them wrap their minds around concepts and embrace learning has been exciting.  we've spent hours together that i would have lost had they been in a traditional school, and made more memories together than i can count.

i am grateful that God made me do this.

we have approached each school year by asking God his will for each of our children. each year God has told us to continue home schooling, but as we have been praying for the coming school year we believe God is leading us to place noah in traditional school next year...

and i find myself saying to God, "please don't make me do this."

i'm not ready.

what most parents feel when their children begin kindergarten i have postponed for 7 years.

i'm emotional.

absorbing the reality of my boy heading off to jr high has made me a pressure cooker of emotions.

BUT...

God causes me to think back to the times i pleaded with him, "please don't make me do this."

one of those times landed me a job at a summer camp, where i met my husband.
one of those times i was holding a positive pregnancy test in one hand, and my 8 month old in the other. our sweet emilie has been a blessed surprise everyday since.

i'm reminded that each time i've pleaded with God, "please don't make me do this," God has surprised me.  every. day.

so i'm counting on God to do it again.

i'm trusting Him.

letting go, ready or not. 

counting on the Author of our lives to surprise me again...

and to surprise noah too.