To Read on the Journey

Friday, June 19, 2009

21-derful years ago

(originally posted June 2007)

Nothing Is Worth More Than This Day

19 (now 21) years ago today I was saved from defeat, lies, darkness, hopelessness, abandonment, loneliness, despair, death. I came to life.
A friend invited me to Hume Lake Christian Camp, but because my mother was a semi single mother who worked as a waitress, camp wasn't financially possible (I mean we got the free cheese- those of you who got free cheese know what I'm talking about). Then a week before camp, the same friend who had invited me, called and said a girl canceled, the church had to pay for her spot, and they wanted me to go in it.
I can't say I wanted to go to a Christian camp. If there was a God, I had a question for Him- "why did you give me this life, I didn't do anything to deserve it."
From birth my dad had rejected me, and over the years has made it clear that I am not his daughter (My dad was a drug user for 27 years, until he was arrested in 1998, and found to be mentally ill. A paranoid schizophrenic, he now lives in a state hospital). A weekend visit to my grandparents at the age of 3, turned into a 3 year stay, as my mother decided she couldn't care for my younger sister and I. After returning to my mothers at the age of 6, she continued to "look for love in all the wrong places," married, divorced, engaged, separated, married, divorced, engaged, separated, married, divorced, married. I've had 7 dads. No one stayed. No one loved me and stayed. No one gave up their life for me and stayed. No one said I was enough, beautiful, lovable, wanted... everything they did said I was anything but these things.
And so I went to camp, desperately wanting a week break from it all.
It was amazing! Games and activities, being part of a team, 3 meals a day, singing, beautiful mountains, people pouring into me... It felt that I had really breathed and lived for the first time in my then 14 years of life.
That week the speaker , Steve Russo, spoke about how "God is a father who will never leave you or forsake you," he said. "that nothing can separate us from the love of God." (tears- It still gets me). I needed that. So, I took my first steps to my Father, while singing "Oh Lord, take my life as an offering, let it be molded by your own hands, fill me with your spirit and your grace to quench a thirsty land, thank you for always being near even after I've done you wrong, Father please use my frail life now for when I am weak I am strong." And He breathed new life into me, and He called me daughter, and He promised to love me, and never go. 19 years later I can say that "His love is better than life." And I have one question for Him, "Why did you give me this life, I did nothing to deserve it."

Thank You! To all of you who serve in the camping ministries, every part of what you do is important. Thank you to those of you who pay for kids to go to camp, and for those who pay for kids who can't pay for themselves. Your saving lives.
Check out some of the fabulous camps in our back yard-
Calvin Crest
Summit Adventure
*Camp Oakhurst
*Yosemite Sierra Summer Camp
Sugar Pine

(* camps my husband and I have worked at)


Simply Sara said...

Just beautiful.

Our Father is more than enough.

BlackCatMima said...

I remember free cheese! Bleh, it was SO salty. But not too bad with tomatoes from grandma's garden on a toasted cheese sandwich.
Man, now I'm hungry. Thanks!