letting go doesn't get easier

i'm preparing to let go again.

preparing comes in the packing, clothes labeling, ironing (yes, i'm o.c.d.), and miscellaneous item gathering (mommy's think of everything).
preparing comes in readying myself to be absent from their presence for 2 whole weeks.
preparing comes in trusting Jesus to hold them, cover them, lead them, teach them, inspire, and grow them without my influence.

i thought it would get easier, letting go, but it doesn't.

i am selfish. i want to hold on tight.
but i won't.
instead i will put on my brave mommy face, smile, and cheer them on to camp, on to their adventure.
and when they aren't looking, when i am back in the van, on my way home, to where i know it will be much too quiet, i'll take my brave mommy face off, and have a short missing-them-already cry.

and when i am done, i will resume the preparing.
preparing for 2 weeks with just josie, making memories with just her.
preparing letters and packages for their camp mail. :-)
preparing to hold them again when they return.
preparing to let them go again when it is time.