For 4yrs I have been in bondage for stupid words that came out of my mouth. Words that came out of my mouth at a friend. Words that came out of pride and darkness. Words that had made a cozy home in my head. Words that once they were out of the dark and into the light, I knew were lies. But, it was too late. Because of the Liar (Satan), the words became something bigger than they were, lies upon lies upon lies. God used this time as a tearing down for me, then building me up stronger.
We (God and I) began the journey to find the source of pride and lies in my life, and to replace those places with humility and truth.
For the first time in my life I recognized that-
I needed grace.
I received grace from God, without earning it first.
I have become a grace-giver.
I have learned to receive God's forgiveness.
I have learned to forgive.
I have learned to accept things I cannot change, and to wait.
There are so many details to read between the lines of each of these sentences. These 4 yrs have been trying and hard. There have been many tears, and much brokenness, questioning, aching, screaming, pleading, releasing, surrendering, and hoping.
Today forgiveness was given, and received. Today words were shared, hearts were seen, and firm embraces were given. Today I dance freedoms dance, and I sing freedoms song, and I breath freedoms breath.
"It is finished." Thank you Jesus.
"Distress that drives us to God does that. It turns us around. It gets us back in the way of salvation. We never regret that kind of pain. But those who let distress drive them away from God are full of regrets, end up on a deathbed of regrets.
And now, isn't wonderful all the ways in which this distress has goaded you closer to God? You're more alive, more concerned, more sensitive, more reverent, more human, more passionate, more responsible. Looked at from any angle, you've come out of this with purity of heart. And that is what I was hoping for in the first place.... My primary concern was not for the one who did the wrong or even the one wronged, but for you- that you would realize and act upon the deep, deep ties between us before God."
II Corinthians 7 (The Message)
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9 comments:
I rejoice with you my friend!!!
YEAH! I know the freedom dance you are talking about and it is a wonderful feeling. I am doing a happy dance for you today!
freedom, totally rocks !
Yea.
The blood covers it all. But it is even sweeter knowing that people can forgive too.
I'm proud of you that you could wait on the timing that allowed healing to take place!
btw--
Donald Miller, ministry conference @ fresno pacific in April. think on it. it's for anyone.
I love the freshness that the Message can bring when verses can become mundane and familiar. That's pride---thinking I don't need him. I suffer greatly from many sins that stem from pride too.
The post and the freedom dance brings us back to that grace, where it all started.
Dancing with you sister! Take the shackles off our feet so we can dance!!
Wow, that is powerful. I love the freedom dance - there goes that hat into the air!
The girls and I were JUST TODAY discussing the difference between recognizing that you've done something wrong... and true repentance. Lots of people know they were wrong, and they remain miserable, bitter, and angry about it. Claire's question was about Judas (how sweet that she is troubled by his betrayal and the consequences...).
His reaction to his own wrongdoing was the opposite of repentance. In bitterness he ran AWAY from the only One who could make it right, and threw himself into hopelessness.
We discussed how repentance means lots of HUMILITY. It means recognizing the truth that WE CANNOT MAKE THIS RIGHT - and we act on that by simply going to Christ and saying, "look at this, look what I've done. I CANNOT FIX IT." It brings tears to my eyes to even write that, because I KNOW it is true for me, every day. And He is so gracious and gentle. He forgives, and then He makes US right...
Sometimes, along the way, He even makes IT right...
Oh, happy day.
Horay for His freedom & forgiveness! What a beautiful heart you have too to be molded & refined by Him.
I too am joining in the party and dancing with you.
The Lord has brought me out of some valleys this past year as well. I finally asked for forgiveness for something extremely hurtful I did to a friend when we were in middle school. Satan was using that horrible thing in my past to keep me down, and feel guilty. But God reached out and took my hand, and brought me into His grace. I know what a wonderful feeling that is now!!
I haven't listened to it too much yet, but we got the Steven Curtis Chapman CD that was out before this newest one. There's a song on it about the angels. Something about what angels wish they knew. He talks about how angels experience so many wonderful things (they get to spend their days next to Jesus!), but that they have never received grace like we have. And what a gift it is!! I'm happy for you, Denise!
I am so happy for you! I understand this perfectly. =) Thank you so much for your honesty.
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