My name is Denise Jones and I'm a pharisee.
We have all heard the phrase "once an alcoholic always an alcoholic." For me it is "once a pharisee always a pharisee." I have seen pharisee defined as "a self righteous, hypocritical person." I have read about the pharisees in scripture and found I resemble them more than the man they pointed fingers at- Jesus.
Yet, inspite of myself, God is so good and so gracious. He loves me, and is shaping, molding, moving, humbling, and revealing Himself and His ways to me. I am undeserving.
Still here is the ugly truth- I am good at pointing fingers, at aiming to be better than others, at building myself up, at following lists, formulas, or a moral code.
I am not good at humility, at being less, at not winning approval, at grace.
I wish recovery was like cleaning a closet. I could get it done in a day, and toss all the unwearable items. Unfortunately, it is more like putting on something you haven't worn in a while, feeling comfortable in it at first, and later, in the right mirror, and the right Lighting, discovering it's not flattering.
I have had to recognize that the Jesus I followed for so many years, looks little like the Jesus that is. That the Jesus I thought I resembled looks very little like Jesus.
I want to know Jesus. I want to be humble; less as others are more. I want to rest in the knowledge that I am enough to my Maker. I want to extend the grace that has been given to me (which is A LOT!) to others.
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9 comments:
Wow. Amazing! Your honesty is so appreciated, Denise. What time is the recovery meeting? I don't want to be late!! :) You're right - He is SO good. Striving to be what He is to us in the lives of others -- what a wonderful thing.
What a great post. I am a pharisee too and could use a recovery meeting!
Loved the post---aren't we all Pharisee's in some form or another?
God have mercy on me, a sinner!!
It's interesting how God works. The word Pharisee came to my mind (about myself) just this morning. I was feeling very frustrated with myself because of something I did that I shouldn't have. Just when I think I'm doing so well, and loving Him the way I think I should, I get reminded of how human I am. How human we all are.
Thank God that His grace and mercy are extravagant, and are enough to cover us even when we act like Pharisees!
I completely understand as God must be working on both of our hearts in this area...saying or knowing one thing & doing another. I just blogged about this the other day & it's very convicting. You said it all in such depth of insight & so beautifully...I guess God is wanting me to keep thinking about it. Thank you for the reminder Denise.
Hmmmm, thanks for understanding. thanks for mercy.
you help me to give myself mercy.
i wonder what a recovering pharisee meeting would look like?? church.
Should I bring cookies or something to the meeting? Maybe the group should be called P.A. Pharisees Anonymous.......good thing there isnt a 12 step recovery program - I think its just a 2 step program......Ask forgiveness and turn from the sin. Thank you for your post! I need to read this one everyday.
I'll be at Mari's recovery meeting too!
See at the P.A. meeting ! I think we all needed to be reminded that we were the ones who put Jesus on the cross, but He died on it for us ! Some times it makes you stand back and say "WOW", He loves me that much !!
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