Come, Lord Jesus, Come

there are too many words, and strangely none.

too many thoughts, and yet my mind is blank.

Discerner come.   

i fear myself.  i've been destructive.  opinionated.  self- seeking.   

dwelt in the strong grip of pride.

but i have tasted grace.

Grace come. 

i'm unmotivated. checked out. lazy. 

i long for passion.  i long for stirring.  i long to be used for his big glory.

Passion come. 

i want change. 

i want dreams.

i want purpose that is visible. 

i feel invisible. but maybe that is the way it is suppose to be.  humbled.

Humility come. 

i want to kiss the Sky. 

i need the Sky to kiss me back.

i long to lose myself in Him.

Intimacy come.

 

wet t-shirt contest

i'm baffled by this camelback tank.

it's  designed to be filled with water which is stored in the backside of the tank. 

wouldn't the water retention cause one to look like they were sporting a few extra lbs of back fat?

  

would you wear this?

How To Train Your Child

To melt you with a smile.

To embrace you with a look.

And to leap...

right into...

your heart!

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."

Proverbs 22:6

Point your kids in the right direction-

when they're old they won't be lost.

The Message

Letting Go, ready or not here i come.

8 years ago i fully intended to send all my children to traditional school.

before noah entered kindergarten i visited the school he'd be attending to observe in his future  classroom, and to enroll him for the following school year.

after observing, and with enrollment papers in hand, i returned to my van and proceeded out of the school parking lot.  however, the enthusiasm i felt as i arrived at the school had vanished (btw- the school was idea. across the street, less than 80 students k-6, and the teacher was a friend).  i recall thinking, "i can't do this."  i was experiencing normal mommy emotions, and wasn't ready for my baby to leave the nest. but i was far less ready for what came next as God said, "your NOT doing this." what did God say?  what was he proposing instead?  NO!!!  tears mixed with panic, as i heard him say, "denise, your home schooling." the levies that held back my fearful tears broke open, and i cried, "please don't make me do this!"

i've been home schooling for 7 years now.

home schooling has been a blessing.  singing "this is the day the Lord has made" everyday, followed by reading God's word, and the encouragement that comes from their childlike faith and challenging questions has grown me.  teaching my children to read was a highlight, their first words read were as exciting as their first word spoken.  watching them wrap their minds around concepts and embrace learning has been exciting.  we've spent hours together that i would have lost had they been in a traditional school, and made more memories together than i can count.

i am grateful that God made me do this.

we have approached each school year by asking God his will for each of our children. each year God has told us to continue home schooling, but as we have been praying for the coming school year we believe God is leading us to place noah in traditional school next year...

and i find myself saying to God, "please don't make me do this."

i'm not ready.

what most parents feel when their children begin kindergarten i have postponed for 7 years.

i'm emotional.

absorbing the reality of my boy heading off to jr high has made me a pressure cooker of emotions.

BUT...

God causes me to think back to the times i pleaded with him, "please don't make me do this."

one of those times landed me a job at a summer camp, where i met my husband.
one of those times i was holding a positive pregnancy test in one hand, and my 8 month old in the other. our sweet emilie has been a blessed surprise everyday since.

i'm reminded that each time i've pleaded with God, "please don't make me do this," God has surprised me.  every. day.

so i'm counting on God to do it again.

i'm trusting Him.

letting go, ready or not. 

counting on the Author of our lives to surprise me again...

and to surprise noah too.
 

ready or not, here i come.

today i went with a casual look. 

i wore my favorite cargo pants, a casual tee, my nicest zip up hoodie, and a slip on shoe.

but i should have worn my boots.

and with my boots i should have worn dark jeans, a nice blouse, and jewelry. 

i would have stood taller.

i would have carried my self like a grown-up.

today i needed to stand taller and feel grown-up. 

because today i was making grown-up decisions. 

decisions i am not ready for, but are ready for me. 

decisions that are better made when i wear my boots.

 

stainphobia

i suffer from stainphobia.

stainphobia: an unreasonable sort of fear that can cause anxiety and panic when an item of clothing or a material good is soiled, spotted, or discolored.
 
this is no laughing matter.  it is very serious.  stains affects 2 out of 5 items of clothing.

there are many who suffer privately from stainphobia.  many who feel hopeless when clothing or material goods are soiled.

this is my story-

i have suffered privately from stainphobia for more than 12 years.
symptoms began when i was pregnant with my first child, during the nesting stage.

symptoms became increasingly worse when my first child, noah, began eating baby food.  he has been eating solid foods for 11 years, but i still cringe at the mention of gerber bananas, blueberry buckle, and butternut squash.


i learned early on to mask my tear stained responses. for example, though it appeared i was crying tears of motherly joy as my child experienced his first baby food.  the reality was that the floodgates flew open due to the devastation of his "i ♥ mommy" bib being destroyed!    

since then i have grown to be terrified of mustard, marinara sauce, butter, olive oil, and salad dressing. 

i. hate. stains.

just the other day, 3 hours of my life was consumed as i vigorously scrubbed a child's garment to remove a stain.  after beating the shirt into submission,  and wearing the top down to threads, the garment waved the white flag of defeat, and i proudly claimed victory over the stain.

in addition to hating stains, i'm cheap!

so cheap you'll often find my children wearing aprons over their $3 wal-mart shirts.

so cheap you'll find clothes pins in my purse (no, not so i can immediately battle freshly stained items of clothing, and then line dry when we're on the go... although that isn't a bad idea).  clothespins serve as makeshift restaurant bibs; take a cloth napkin, hang it around neck, and pin in the back.  it's genius really.

and just in case food is shoveled onto clothing instead of into a  mouth i've got a tide stain stick on hand   

(this is my tide stain stick testimonial- one sunday, while leading worship, communion grape juice missed my mouth and landed on my cotton candy pink shirt. between services (i still had one more service to lead) i ran off to the ladies room,  where i grabbed the tide stain stick and generously worked it into the stain.  i prayed fervently,   "please Jesus, please remove this stain." the stain was removed!) 

i told you, i. hate. stains.

so you can imagine the nausea i experienced this past week when one of my children got oil on not one, but TWO ITEMS OF CLOTHING!
 
i pretreated the clothing with a stain remover, washed, and lined dried both items, BUT THE OIL STAIN WAS STILL THERE!

i tried to control the feelings of anxiety and panic that rose up inside me! i attempted to hold back the tears, the hopelessness of feeling all was lost.

i accepted the reality that i would have to wave the white flag of defeat....UNTIL

YES, Scrubbing Bubbles bathroom cleaner!

"they work hard so you don't have to," and not only on your tubs and showers, but on your oil stains too!

simply apply to oil spot, let absorb for a few short minuets, wash, line dry, and voila, THE STAIN IS GONE! (insert the "Hallelujah" chorus here).

thanks to Scrubbing Bubbles, the cost for psychiatric care for my children has decreased... well, a little... i also suffer from germphobia (fear of germs), clutterphobia (fear of clutter), and wrinklephobia (fear of wrinkles. yes, i iron everything).

Do you have any stain removal cures?   

What are your phobias?