"You Opened the Door"

I begged Noah to let me throw him a party. 
Begged. 
For like 3 months, 
"Puuhleeeeeeeeeeze!!"
He considered it for about a minute,
and then said, "naaaaaa."

But he was turning 16.

16!!

That's kind of a big deal, 
and I needed him to know 
that he is kind of a big deal... 
to me.

It's a birthday tradition in our home to have a breakfast party; however, on Noah's birthday, Michael, was scheduled to work at the crack-of-dawn and wouldn't be here for Noah's big deal birthday morning. When I gave Noah this bit of information his response was, "that's okay... you can do it another time...  just surprise me."

"Uhhh, just surprise you?" I asked. 

"Yeah, just surprise me" he replied. 

"Okay, then... I'll surprise you," I smirked.

Seriously, Kid, have you forgotten

 who your mother is?!!!  

To quote our new favorite sitcom, The Goldbergs, "You opened the door."  ;)

Therefore, what happened next really isn't my fault... Noah, "you opened the door." ;) 

Noah's 1st period chemistry class

Breakfast for the students- Frappachino's, chocolate chip muffins, 

and silly hats filled with candy 

(because the way to high schooler's heart is through their sweet tooth). 

Now, here's the thing- this could have gone great or terribly bad.  After dropping him off at school I endured the longest 20 minutes waiting for the results....

Then I got a text- "this is so great! thanks mb"

 

PHEW! 

I totally teared up.  Noah loved it, and he knew on his 16th birthday, that he is a very BIG DEAL to me.

 

 Live in Peace,

Reserved Seating

There were 113 miles between us, and I needed to be with her.  A phone call wasn't going to cut it.  Thank God for Facetime.

In December I was asked by someone I didn't know from Adam, to speak at a women's retreat (that is a blog-worthy story).  As we sat before our computers It was the morning before the retreat, and she had volunteered to listen to the 4 talks I had prepared. 

We had both just rolled out of bed when we met. We were still in our p.j.'s,  sporting some gnarly bed-head, without make-up (actually, I was still wearing make-up from the previous day), and armed with full mugs of coffee.   We were ready to spend a couple of hours together via the internet. 

I began- 

Friday Evening~ 
"As for us, we cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard"... that's why I share my story.  It's not a cleverly invented story, but my first hand account of how the Lord  has revealed Himself and given Life to me... And like Joseph each of our stories was intended for the saving of many lives.

Saturday morning~
"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure" Hebrews 6:19.... The anchors we see (retreat theme) go down into water, not up into temples!  But our Anchor is set and secure in Heaven, where Jesus went through the veil of heaven, and served as our High Priest, who made atonement (at one ment) for our sins with HIMSELF!... Because of Jesus we are hooked to the Anchor- to God, and to the covenant promises of God.

Saturday evening~
"It's crucial that we keep a firm grip on what we have heard so that we do not drift away."  Hebrews 2:1...  What causes us to drift away? Idols.... We are to need nothing more than we need our true source of Life...  How can we keep from drifting? Being in the Word... The Bible brings our lives into alignment with God.

Sunday morning~
There are three parts to an anchoring system- the anchor, the rode (rope or chain), and the secure attachment... Jesus represents the Rode, He has attached us to the Anchor- to God.  Just as He secured us to God, He knew we'd also need Him to secure our end, too. We are fastened to him through the Secure Attachment; the Holy Spirit- the Advocate, who "will teach you all things and remind you of everything I [Jesus] have said to you."

She listened. 
Really listened.
For a couple hours. 
And after I'd poured out all the words the Lord had, over months, impressed on me to say, she spoke.   Spoke what she gained from the messages. She enthusiastically encouraged me.  She also thoughtfully directed me in a couple areas that needed to be honed in. 

And then she beamed, "I'm so excited for you!!"  
 
"I couldn't do this without you," I told her.
"One of us isn't more important than the other."
     
I may be "the speaker," the one up front, BUT you're part is just as valuable as mine.  I couldn't do my part without yours. 

I couldn't have done it without her, without her and the handful of others, who for months, as I've prepared, and this weekend, have been nudging and cheering me on in "reserved seating."

Reserved seating.  I've been thinking a lot about it. Thinking how vitally important it is to invite people to sit up close and personal, in the front rows of our lives. 

Last weekend I "stepped into the arena," and attempted something that terrifies and enlivens me. And here's the thing, I could not have done it without community; without the encouragement, cheering, wisdom, and prayers of the people who love me and want God to be made known through me- those in reserved seating. 

Community isn't optional. Community is necessary.  We are hard-wired to live in it.

In Genesis 1:26, in the very first book of the Bible, God says, "Let us make man in our image." 

Do you see that?! God. Is. Community. 

The Godhead- Father, Son, and Spirit- exist for each other, depend on the other, are effective together.

 If we're made in their image, aren't we to do the same? 

Aren't we to exist for that Mysterious Unity, depend on that unity, be effective because of that Unity. 

AND 

Aren't we to make that Mysterious Unity known, by the community we share with each other?   

"I couldn't do what I'm doing without you... One isn't more important than the other." 

I heard once that "we're better together than we are alone." 

I was  asked what I would take away from this experience- 
  
Yes, I'm more than blown away that God had me in mind, to share and teach 54 fantastic women at this women's retreat; that He chose Imperfect me to be a voice to glorify -make Him known.
  
But what I'm really taking away is how very blessed I am to have people to come alongside and encourage me, speak truth into me, cheer me on, and believe that that Mysterious Unity from which we are derived, is going to do something not just through me, but through us! 

I'm taking away how beautiful it is to exist for each other, depend on each other, to be  effective together.

 Live in Peace,

 P.S., I look forward to the opportunity to sit front and center in your "reserved seating"- to cheering you on, encouraging you, praying for you as you make the LORD our God known! Please invite me! 

*****************************************************************************

P.P.S., To the many who prayed over the past two days for my dad's court case, for the outcome, and for my family- Thank you!  I am really so grateful for you. We really are "better together than we are alone." What a gift you are! 

 

A Million Yeses

For as long as I can remember I envied other children who were loved in every way by their parents.
For as long as I can remember I wanted that too.

And for as long as I can remember I've thought, "they have something I don't have," and asked, "why don't I?"

Over the years I've come up with about a million reasons why they do and I don't.

I now know those thoughts were from the devil,  and for a million reasons I wish I would've "shut him the hell up" back then.

But I didn't.  

Soon, I started looking at, well, just about everything through a blurry lens of "they have what I don't," and "why don't I have that too?"
 
They have good parents. Why don't I?
They have nice houses. Why don't I?
They have the stylish clothes. Why don't I?
They have popularity.  Why don't I?

This is how it went when I was younger, and the only thing that has changed over the years is that there have been more "they haves" and more "why don't I's" added.

They have money.  Why don't I?
They have health. Why don't I?
They have ability.  Why don't I?
They HAVE HAVE HAVE!  WHY DON'T I?!!

The real issue was... no, is,  that I have been ticked off at God, for, from my {blurry} perspective, showing them favor and withholding it from me.

"Ticked off"  is actually the nice way of putting it.  Truth is, of the million reasons I came up with as to why good things were withheld from me, about 900,000 of those reasons were because of God.
 
Recently, I heard a song that speaks what feels like a million truths into this area.
It's another Sara Groves song- Open My Hands.

Before you listen to it (Oh, and I hope you don't skip that part, and that you do... especially if you've had blurry vision, too) Sara shared the following in an interview regarding the inspiration of the song.

From Psalm 84:11
"the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless."

Sir Richard Baker comments, "but how is this true when God often withholds riches, and honors, and health of body from men though they walk ever so uprightly?  We may therefore know that riches and honors and bodily strength are none of God's good things, and the good things of God are chiefly; peace of conscience, joy in the holy Spirit, fruition of God's presence, and a vision of His face in the next.  These good things God never withholds from the godly. 

"riches and honor and strength of body are none of God's good things"

My vision has been so distorted as to what "good things" are.

Now listen

     

 "I am nodding my head and emphatic yes to all that You have for me."  

I am nodding my head a million yeses!

A million yeses to God's good things; to peace, and joy in the Spirit, to present God, to the promise of one day being fully with Him.

Oh, His good things are the best things.

 Live in Peace,

Remember that time...

Wednesday morning my mother-in-love Instagram'd a photo of Bass Lake covered in 4.1 inches of snow... 

I blame her for what happened next.

The wheels in my mind got to turning...'What if??'
I called my m.i.l. to check on the road conditions in Bass Lake (30 miles away). I told her, (a former president of a local school board), what I was considering. Her response was "do it!"
That was just the nudge I needed.  
I shouted to Josie, "We're going to the snow!"  
My lone-homeschooler was ecstatic. 
She and I loaded the back of the car with the snow clothes and sled, making sure they were out-of-sight. Then we hopped in our Outlook and headed toward Noah and Emilie's high school.
Once there we donned our most serious faces (Smiley Josie had a difficult time with this), walked into the school office, and signed Noah and Emilie out for the remainder of the day for "personal reasons."
A few moments later a concerned Noah and Emilie met us in the courtyard with their backpacks slung over their shoulders. 
Emilie expressed her worry, while Noah asked, "Mommy, what's going on?"
With a non-emotional tone I responded, "I can't talk about it right now," then proceeded to walk to the car.
A little further down the road they implored me to tell them what was happening.  I kept my eyes on the road, remained straight faced, and calmly replied, "I can't talk about it right now."
I drove a little further.
Their imaginations were running wild.  I could feel their anxiety rising...
 and that's when I broke and exploded,

"We're taking a snow day!  

We're going to Bass Lake to play, 

and then 

to The Forks for lunch! 

(The Forks is a seasonal hot spot at the lake, which had just opened the weekend before)

They both sighed with relief and then shouted with excitement!!

And that moment...

it was

 Priceless.

 

Just look at them!
So happy. 

"and I can't afford it, but it's mine."  

Oh how I  LOVE them!

 Only God could love them more. 

At the end of our time, just before returning home to the piles of laundry waiting for me, and before the kids returned home to a bit of extra homework, we chatted about how this was a very good day; a needed day. 

We went on about how this day will go down as one of our "remember that time..." stories. {love}
This mama is glad to add another to our history book.  

And it goes without saying, that the kids are really glad Nana posted her snow covered Bass Lake IG pic. :)
 

 Live in Peace,

 

And I can't afford it, but it's mine (savoring)

Last fall I wrote And I can't afford it, but it's mine.

In it I expressed that these lyrics had caused me to replace worry and comparison with the question what is mine that I can't afford?   

The answer too much.   

I've been thinking that documenting my 

"And I can't afford it, but it's mine" 

moments should be a regular occurrence here at Victory Rd., 

because these are moments I want to fix in my mind.

Michael reaches over, kisses me, tells me again "I'm so glad that you're my wife."

And this miracle of a marriage- I can't afford it, but it's mine.   

Noah reaches over and strokes the back of my neck as I drive.  He gives me the look.  It's been a while.  A long teenager while.  I savor it.

And being cherished by my son- I can't afford it, but it's mine.

I've got 2 hours to get dinner made and the house tidied before our "small groupies" arrive.  Josie joins me in the kitchen to make cookies for my guests.  She bakes in a sing-song voice, floating around the kitchen as she preps.

And the way she refreshes me with her joy- I can't afford it, but it's mine.

After dinner we celebrate the birthday of a small groupie by speaking words of blessing to Megan. I watch her face as truth and delight is spoken.  My heart filled with gladness as I watched her hear and embrace who she is.  The Spirit revealed to me how the Lord is OVERJOYED when we embrace His blessing spoken to us. 

And living blessed- I can't afford it, but it's mine.   

Receiving sweet texts from Emilie while she was away over the weekend for a school activity. She invites me into the details of her life through texting.

And her friendship- I can't afford it, but it's mine. 

We discover a bill that should have been wrapped into our mortgage has not been paid for.  We owe a good bit.  But I don't freak out!  I recall what I've learned- "nothing has permission to take my God-given security from me."

And this peace- I can't afford it, but it's mine.  

Coffee with a friend.  We share our painful, fragile, never should have been.  It's messy but safe because we share the same merciful God.  And He fills the questions and the ache with Himself through each other.  He makes beauty from our ashes.
 
And God- I can't afford Him, but He is mine!

 

Tell me, 

What are your

"And I can't afford it, but it's mine" 

moments from this week? 

 Live in Peace,

 

 

Winter Vacay

I don't know whose idea it was to take a week vacation from school in February, but to whoever you are, I LOVE YOU!

We took FULL advantage of our time together last week and ventured off to Newport Beach, where we stayed with Jones family friends at their lovely beach house.

Waking up and being greeted by this view each morning was a treat,

but the real gift was the hospitality and rich conversations shared with our hosts, Dean, Barb, and their family.  They are a people that are generous with their lives. 

We packed a lot into our 5 days in So Cal.

 We enjoyed delicious worship with Michael's Uncle Jack at the Bridge in Rancho Santa Margarita.

 I'm still chewing on the message, which was EXACTLY what my heart needed.  I was also SURPRISED when I realized that I was at the church with fellow blogger, Julie, from "Joy's Hope!"

After church, Michael's grandmother and aunt joined us, and we headed down to beautiful Dana Point, where we enjoyed brunch together.  We're so grateful to have gotten to spend some time with family we love but don't see as often as we'd like.

On Monday we met up with my Melanie and her family.

 Our friendship dates all the way back to 1990.  What made our bit of time together so refreshing is that we can just be together.  I adore her.

For Christmas 2012 we received tickets to Disneyland (Thanks Gramps & Nana).
 We thought we'd avoid the Presidents weekend crowds by visiting the mouse on Tuesday... boy were we wrong! The park was packed.  On the plus side, we ran into a handful of folks from our neck of the woods.

I think they were excited.

So here's something funny about us (I say funny, you might say cruel)
When our kids were little we told them the mouse at Disneyland's name was Marvin.
We even sang to the tune of the Mickey Mouse song "M. A. R. Are you coming to see me. V. I. N.  N' bring a friend.  M. O. U. S. E."

We figured that because our children were being raised by us they'd absolutely be in need of counseling, so we thought we'd go ahead and provide them with some good material!  We also had them believing their Nana's name was Cinderella, and that Cindy was her nickname (The girls are still devastated that her name is actually Cynthia). 

We headed home Wednesday, but not before stopping for "Snunch" (snack/lunch) at Ruby's on Balboa Pier.

Those fries dipped in that Oreo Cookie Malt helped ease my leaving the beach blues.

So did a stop at Ikea,  a.k.a.- "Disneyland for Mommy."

 Thursday we were all tuckered out, so we hid out at home.

On Friday, the kids and I headed north for the day, and squeezed in a visit with my grandmother, sister and her family.

It's become a tradition for my sister, my girlies, and I to take off for some girl time together when we're together.  Hobby Lobby followed by fraps at Sbux was our destination this time.

At one point on Friday, Emilie commented that she sees that Toni is one of my best friends.

It was absolute sweetness to me that she sees that.  Our friendship is a miracle.  I treasure it.  I am grateful that God is our God, and for His healing and restoration.

Live in Peace!