I'm Alive

My hands are searching for You
My arms are outstretched towards You
I feel You on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for You

This fire rising through my being

Burning, I'm not used to seeing You

I'm alive, I'm alive

I was inspired by Lisa Leonard's post Photo Play to attempt some collaging of my own over at picnik. I have a lot to learn, but it is fun to branch out from my usual collages.

The lyrics to David Crowder's song All Around Me have been playing like a new favorite record on my heart this week. The line "My tongue dances behind my lips for You" speaks of the intimacy God and I share.

These two photos capture me, ALIVE.

When are you alive?

To listen to All Around Me select this link and listen to it at Lala.com

Winter Olympics

People will often ask me how I like homeschooling. My response is always the same, "I have a love/hate relationship with homeschooling. I love it because I am with my kids 100% of the time, and I hate it because I am with my kids 100% of the time."

So you'll understand why one of my favorite times of the homeschooling year comes during the winter when our family participates in homeschool ski day's at Badger Pass in Yosemite.

Michael takes ski days off from work. The kids enjoy the physical education portion of their schooling with their substitute teacher and daddy.
$14 each covers the expense of ski rentals and skiing, and it buys me a DAY OFF!

After 5 months of sitting at the table surrounded by books, papers, lesson plans, and pencil sharpeners, this homeschool mom/teacher gets a few much needed personal days.

On my personal days I take in a movie, linger at a book store, sip coffee and people watch, enjoy a quiet meal, window shop, and breath... all by myself.
I have 9 hours to cram quiet goodness into. I aim to metal in gold in my personal day sport!

Emilie, sporting the Hannah Kearney look.

Josie wearing my child hood beanie.

Josie asked Michael to take pictures of her "high off the ground to show mommy."

Enjoy this short video of mostly Josie; narrating, skiing, crashing,
and speaking with a southern accent.
(where could she get her in front of the camera goofiness from?)

Thank you Spinner for joining Michael and the kids for this ski day.
Next time grab the camera and get me some pix of you with the kids too!

Spring. Is. Coming.

Spring. is. coming.

Spring: to appear or grow quickly; to move suddenly forward or upward;
to release or cause to be released from confinement.



It's raining on these hills outside my home. It's been raining on these hills inside my heart.

Rain. Is. Good.

The hills are thirsty.

Because of the rain there will be a GLORIOUS spring!

The hills have already turned a vibrant shade of green. I'm waiting for delicious blue skies, surrounded by puffy clouds to frame their beauty.

a lone lupin waits on my hillside, longing to be in community. It will. When the remaining lupin are released from their captivity they will join in a dance of purple on my hillside!

Wildflowers in shades of white, butter yellow, and baby pink will join them in the dance.
Some will be delicately chosen, they will dance into my home, waltzed away by little hands, delivered as a gift for this mommy.

Spring. Is. Coming.



thank you noah, emilie, and josie. thank you for seeing the almond orchard filled with blossoms, and saying (before i asked),"mommy, you want to pull over and take pictures don't you!" thank you for inviting me to do so.
it is good to be known.

better than a hallelujah

I heard a song that resonates with me, giving me permission to be where i am. to be in this season.

This season of praising God with one hand, cursing at him with the other.

This season of finding God to be exciting, and yet terrifying.

This season where my God heart, my Spirit, is being shaped into some other form.

A few of the lyrics say, "we poor out our miseries, God just hears a melody." The lyrics go on to say this is Better than a Hallelujah.

Listen to to Better Than a Hallelujah here

God loves a lullaby
In a mothers tears in the dead of night
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.
God loves the drunkards cry,
The soldiers plea not to let him die
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah.

The woman holding on for life,
The dying man giving up the fight
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes
The tears of shame for what's been done,
The silence when the words won't come
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes.

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah.

Better than a church bell ringing,
Better than a choir singing out, singing out.

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah.

Reflections & Deep Love

Since we're still on the subject of LOVE...
I had a bit of fun taking some Valentines Day pix
(love my little cannon).
Tucked between my pix is my favorite hymn.



O the deep, deep love of Jesus,
Vast, unmeasured, boundless, free!
Rolling as a mighty ocean
In its fullness over me!
Underneath me, all around me,
Is the current of Thy love
Leading onward, leading homeward
To Thy glorious rest above!

O the deep, deep love of Jesus,
Spread His praise from shore to shore!
How He loveth, ever loveth,
Changeth never, nevermore!
How He watches o’er His loved ones,
Died to call them all His own;
How for them He intercedeth,
Watcheth o’er them from the throne!

O the deep, deep love of Jesus,
Love of every love the best!
’Tis an ocean vast of blessing,
’Tis a haven sweet of rest!
O the deep, deep love of Jesus,
’Tis a heaven of heavens to me;
And it lifts me up to glory,
For it lifts me up to Thee!

Get Your on Pleated Poppy here.
The necklace was a gift from my sweet blog friend Kristen!

to find the Place

'It was when I was happiest that I longed most...

The sweetest thing in all my life has been the longing...
to find the place where all the beauty came from.'
Till We Have Faces, C. S. Lewis



Father, you are the Place where ALL the beauty comes from.

Because your Love is better than life,
My lips will glorify you,
I will praise you as long as I live.
Psalm 63:3

CrAzY 8!

Comedic- you have the funniest sense of humor (you get it from your daddy). You say the wittiest things!

Radiant- you illuminate every room with your Sunshiney personality

Ambitious - you live expectantly, work hard at school, hope for your future (I can't wait to go to your restaurant, "Josefini Tortellini's"), and embrace adventure with bounce in your step!

Zealous- you embrace life, friendship, and worship (I love that you always have a praise song on your lips) with passion!

Yacking- Me: Josie why do you talk so much? Josie: talking is my favorite thing to do. And when your not yacking you delight us with your constant SINGING!

It is CrAzY that you are already 8!

When you were 3 I asked you not to grow anymore.
You told me you "had to grow to be 5"
(Emilie was 5 at the time. You have always looked up to your big sister).
When you were six you "promised you'd stop growing at 7."
But today,
TODAY YOU ARE 8!
Kids are 8!
How can you, my baby, be 8?

"They" said (who are "they" anyway), "it goes by fast."
"They" were right.
(I wish "they" were wrong)

"They" said, "enjoy them while they're young" and
"those are the best days of your life."

BUT I say
EVERYDAY has been better than the one before!

I've had 8 years of better than the day before with you!

If February 10, 2002 was the best day,
then today is the
Bestestestestestestestestestestestestestestest..............
DAY!

I am CrAzY in LOVE with you, and who you are!
(And don't even get me started on how I feel about your brother and sister!)

I'm SO GLAD GOD "added" YOU
to our lives
Josefine!

HaPpY bIrThDaY!

Originally posted February 2009

Here is an easy Valentine to make. Get a box of Sweetheart's candy (empty the candies)
Insert your favorite picture
And add sticky magnet strips to the back

Voila! You have a great Valentine magnet for the fridge!
(this will be very popular with the grandparents)
Obviously this has been a favorite of mine for years!

Noah at 2 covered in chocolate. Emilie 9 months, in daddy's hat, with puckering lips.

Here is a photo of Josie at age 3 as my little Valentine. Back when she use to "Yub" me.

I Am - Jill Phillips

Oh gently lay your head
Upon my chest
And I will comfort you
Like a mother while you rest
The tide can change so fast,
But I will stay
The same through the past,
The same in future, same today

I am constant; I am near
I am peace that shatters all your secret fears
I am holy; I am wise
I'm the only one who knows your heart's desires
Your heart's desires

Oh weary, tired and worn,
Let out your sighs
And drop that heavy load you hold
Cause Mine is light

I know you through and through;
There's no need to hide
I want to show you love
That is deep and high and wide

I am constant; I am near
I am peace that shatters all your secret fears
I am holy; I am wise
I'm the only one who knows your heart's desires
Your heart's desires

Oh gently lay your head
Upon my chest
And I will comfort you
Like a mother while you rest

I am, Jill Phillips

Baby Love

tutorial links:
cloth baby blocks
paper bows
paper flowers
(i used magazine pages, and scrapbooking paper for my paper flowers. i also used twigs for the stem)
applique onsies
(i used fusible fabric underneath, lined the top fabric to it, then stitched the perimeter with a zig zag stitch)

Get Out

Two old friends enemies have shown up and taken up residence at my place again, Anxiety and Fear.

They use to live here. They use to run this place with their best friend, the leader of their pack, Lies.

I 'd finally had enough of them a few years ago (and by enough I mean 31 years of shacking up with them). I kicked them out. Took Life back.

I don't know when it happened, but they showed up. And I entertained them. They are so familiar.

I can see now that they have unpacked a few things. I see their crap (that's what it is) laying around.

I don't want them here.

Steel Bars - Jill Phillips

So this is how it feels at the rock bottom of despair
When the house that I built comes crashing down
And this is how it feels when I know the man
that I say I am
Is not the man that I am when no one's around
This is how it feels to come alive again
And start fighting back to gain control
And this is how it feels to let freedom in
And break these chains that enslave my soul
 
I refuse to be locked up in here like a prison cell
where all I ever get is a meal and four walls
I used to be just fine in here but not anymore
gonna break through these steel bars
 
So tell me how it feels when the tables start to turn
And you find yourself at the losing end
Tell me how it feels, you're not welcome here
'Cause I'm tired of pain and I'm tired of sin
 
I refuse to be locked up in here like a prison cell
where all I ever get is a meal and four walls
I used to be just fine in here but not anymore
gonna break through these steel bars
 
I won't let you win
I have no doubt
I don't want you in
So get out, get out
 
I refuse to be locked up in here like a prison cell
where all I ever get is a meal and four walls
I used to be just fine in here but not anymore
gonna break through, gonna break through
 
I refuse to be locked up in here like a prison cell
where all I ever get is a meal and four walls
I used to be just fine in here but not anymore
gonna break through these steel bars

Steel Bars, by Jill Phillips

zzzz's

Dear Sleep,
I don't know where we went wrong? You left without warning. Please tell me how I can make things right between us. I'm desperate for you to return to me. I miss you. I need you.

Tired, and longing to be yours,
Denise

HaPpY VaLeNtInE's DaY!

plain white tees from old navy- $5
1 yard of valentine's material from jo-ann's fabric- $3
1 yard of iron-on backing for applique- $3
knee high socks (for sleeves), 40% off at jo-ann's fabric- $ 2.50 each pair
How stink'n  aDoRaBlE my girls look in their Valentine's Day shirts- PRICELESS!

learn how to make your own here!

(originally posted February 2010.  Tip make the shirt(s) one size too big so they will fit for 2 years!)