To Read on the Journey

Tuesday, February 19, 2008


i am wired to be obedient. i love obedience. maybe it is because i am a first born.
i do not like disobedience. when i discover that i have been disobedient, i am quick to remedy it.
my mother tells me that i have always been this way, even as a toddler. when my sister came along, she antagonized me, pulling my hair, poking at me... she interrupted my obedience, and i would either cry or hit her.
i am attempting to be obedient in a situation right now. my hair is getting pulled, i am being poked at, and antagonized. i have cried. i really want to hit someone.


BethAnne said...

Even though you are being poked and your hair is being pulled, you can rest in knowing that you Father rewards obedience in His children. I wish I could say that I have always been obedient...unfortunately that isnt my testimony. I am praying right now that your situation will be short-lived and you will see the purpose in it soon. (Oh and I am praying you dont hit someone too ;-)

Jennifer said...

My daughter is 13, and she, too, loves obedience. But she also has feelings, and I think right now she, too, feels prodded and poked and antagonized - usually by ME. And I am poking and prodding her because I want to be a good Mommy, and that is how I show her love. But I am learning that she is looking for love in other places where I'm lacking, often unable to see the sacrifice I am offering. And SHE is learning that you can want to be obedient but feel angry at the same time! And it's normal! :) She is learning how to express her feelings to herself, to God, and to me. And that can be painful, too.

I told her today that we must, must give each other grace and remember constantly that we do not intend to hurt each other - no, we LOVE each other very much, and that fact should color everything all our perceptions of one another.

Love is shown and received in an infinite variety of ways. It's so very complicated, but it's the price we pay for intimacy. Don't give up - I say this to you AND to myself!! It's a noble effort we are making to hang in there. May God bless those efforts - for both of us!

Earen said...

I will be praying for you. The Lord will honor you for your obedience because it's towards Him..not anyone else. Hang in there my friend.

Sarah Markley said...

Oh...honesty. The stuff of true life. =) I can always rely on you for honesty. Thank you.

Kristen said...

Denise - I love your openness and your honesty! Sometimes that call to be obedient is so hard - its like an inner war going on inside yourself. Oh how I have been there and one situation where I am still there! Praying for you my friend!

Cari said...

Hey, I know how you feel. I've been reminded recently how in Samuel God says, "Obedience is better than sacrifice". What that says to me is that obedience IS sacrifice. It's sacrificing what I want and what I feel for what He wants. Now I just wish I had an easy answer on how to follow through. :{

lindsey said...

love your honesty. hit michael!

Renee said...

Your honesty is much appreciated.

Hold fast, Denise, and get your strength from God. He'll help you hold on, and be obedient.

I relate so much to your put words to so many different things that I struggle with. I am so thankful for you!

Jennifer Partin said...

You can hit me! I am like your sister. I have never naturally gravitated towards obedience. I was always rebellious. Even now I am a rebel----with a cause. :)

I'll be praying for you.