To Read on the Journey

Friday, June 27, 2008

Fake it till you make it

I have heard this phrase a lot,"fake it till you make it."
Fake the- emotions, fitting in, the ability, the desire.
Sometimes faking it is necessary. If I didn't, I would stay home on my couch and choose not to engage. I would isolate myself when fear set in, I would sit in disbelief thinking myself incapable. If I didn't fake it, I would miss out on many blessings.

I have been reading C.S. Lewis'
Mere Christianity. He talks about 'dressing up' like Christ.

For many of my Christ-life years I played dress up, playing a part
I wanted to be ("I" being the keyword in the sentence). I dressed up as perfect Christian high schooler, Christian youth leader, intern, Christian preschool teacher, Christian camp employee, Christian friend, Christian wife, Christian parent with perfect kids, Christian wedding coordinator, nursery coordinator, Christian mentor, Bible-study leader, MOPS leader,and worship leader.

Now, I am not saying that these things are bad. I believe that God wanted me to be a part of these ministries. There have been too many blessings to count being a part of these ministries. But, sadly I wonder if I missed out on the GREATEST BLESSING- Jesus.
Instead of putting on Jesus, I put on pride with each new ministry. And I believed I was something. I really wanted to be something, because for too many years I had felt like a nothing.

Here is a conversation I had 5 yrs ago with a girl I mentored (a conversation I had when I thought I was something), "if God is making us perfect, finishing us to completion, well I'm there, He might as well take me home."
Can I just say

PRAISE GOD that, "He builds it up, and He knocks it down, just to build it up even stronger"(words from Jill Phillips song Wrecking Ball).

I confess, I struggle. I want to be somebody, valued, wanted, needed, desired, treasured, believed in, capable, beautiful.... And it is hard to set this want aside, and put on Christ.
And I can't. But He can.

I know now that God is making me nothing, so that He can be the Something, the EVERYTHING, in my life.
But it isn't easy.

"The real Son of God is at your side. He is beginning to turn you into the same kind of thing as Himself. He is beginning, so to speak, to 'inject' His kind of life and thought, into you; beginning to turn the tin soldier into a live man. The part of you that does not like it is the part that is still tin."


Alana said...

I've done plenty of faking it in my Christian walk as well. Although I've come to realize it doesn't help anyone (especially me) when I operate that way. Great post, Denise. Are you back?

Earen said...

Isn't this SO true, Denise. I've been there & definitely still do it at times. Thinking I'm "all that" and such a wonderful Christian because of my status in life and what I'm doing. Isn't it amazing what we try to find our identity in? Our identity is in Christ alone & yet I stray away from that so often.

Denise, you have a beautiful heart. Thank you for the great post.

Linda Z said...

Very thought provoking post, Denise. I often struggle with "being real" and not pretending to be something I am not, and not wanting to glorify myself in my "realness." Does that make sense. I guess I just want to seek humility, and I want God to shine through me despite my flaws.

Kristen said...

AMEN SISTER! I have so been there, and continue to be there are times. The only one I am short changing is myself when I am not honest about myself or what is happening in my life. Sometimes it seems easier to put on the happy face instead of getting down and dirty and honest. Thanks Denise - I definitely needed to read this!

Jennifer said...

You said that well -
it's jolting to say, "He is making me nothing..."

It goes against every single thing the world teaches. Of course.

But it's still hard to come to grips with. We're fighting the good fight, though, aren't we? Trying to, anyway...