You Are My I Love You

originally posted May 2009

I am your parent; you are my child.

I am your quiet place; you are my wild.

I am your calm face; you are my giggle.

I am your wait; you are my wiggle.

I am your carriage ride; you are my king

I am your push; you are my swing.

I am your audience; you are my clown.

I am your London Bridge; you are my falling down.

I am your carrot sticks; you are my licorice.

I am your dandelion; you are my first wish.

I am your water wings; you are my deep.

I am your open arms; you are my running leap.

I am your way home; you are my new path.

I am your dry towel; you are my wet bath.

I am your dinner; you are my chocolate cake.

I am your bedtime; you are my wide awake.

I am your finish line; you are my race.

I am your praying hands; you are my saying grace.

I am your favorite book; you are my new lines.

I am your night light; you are my starshine.I am your lullaby; you are my peekaboo.

I am your good night kiss; you are my I love you

From the children's book "You Are My I Love You" by Maryann K. Cusimano

Full Containers

By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—
set us right with him, make us fit for him—
we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus.
 And that's not all: 
We throw open our doors to God 
and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. 
We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—
out in the wide open spaces of God's grace and glory, 
standing tall and shouting our praise.

 There's more to come: 

We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, 

because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, 

and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, 

keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. 

In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. 

Quite the contrary—

WE CAN'T ROUND UP ENOUGH CONTAINERS 

TO HOLD EVERYTHING

 God generously pours into our lives

 through the Holy Spirit! 

Romans 5: 1-5
{The Message}

these words.
today.
so good.
this truth...
"we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit."
hmmm.
so so good.

too often i am guilty of overlooking ALL God pours into my life.
i overlook ALL THOSE FULL CONTAINERS because i'm either too caught up in self, i'm constipated with insecurity, i'm fixated on bitterness and sulking about what i think i'm entitled to, or i'm playing the comparison game.
sometimes i'm a mixed cocktail of all of these...
missing the wide open spaces of grace and glory.

but not today.
today i see those containers.
i see generous God.
and i'm telling you denise... yes, you!  
it is good here.
seeing.
"alert for whatever God."
expectant for whatever.

it's overlooking those containers that causes you to feel shortchanged.  not God. 
God doesn't leave us shortchanged.
He the "there's more" God!   
look at Jesus!

so denise, look {i'm cupping your face in my hands, turning it away from what your stuck on, turning your face, your attention, to your Generous God}.
LOOK {see. isn't that better}.
now, be EXPECTANT for whatever God wants to generously pour into your life through the Holy Spirit.

ah ah ah!  no.  no berating yourself.
no "i'm not good enough, educated enough, emotionally stable enough, financially capable enough, talented enough... blah blah blah."
you don't have to be or do or have anything.
you just need Him.  
He's got all that covered.

Oh, He wants to pour so much into you!
and out of YOU {not just me, you. yeah you, the person reading this}.
let Him.
let Him.

w.i.w.w.

i'm link'n up with the s.i.l., lindsey, for what i wore wednesday. 
it has been forever since i've linked up. 

fall.

because i suffer from brrr-itus and can't tolerate the cold, i hibernate in my red hoodie, gray tee, and black yoga pants ALL WINTER.  

it gets kinda gross after a while week.  

you don't want me to w.i.w.w. that.

but come spring i'm ready for a change {so is my husband}.

this week the weather has been perfection!

"i like big hair and i cannot lie, that's somethin' i can't deny."

i can't help it.
in my big hair defense, i am from "the cowboy capitol of the world." 

big hair is part of my d.n.a.

michael likes my hair curly.  

the lake community of 800 where he grew up is not the capitol of anything.  

i don't know why he likes curly hair.

  

where to find the threads i'm wearing-

first outfit: red top-target {old}, skinny jeans & striped tennies- old navy, petal pusher- the pleated poppy. 

second outfit- gray rose tee- forever 21, baby blue mossimo pants- target {8 yrs old}, gray shoes- payless shoes {$3 last year. score!}, lisa leonard necklace, clutch- the pleated poppy.

last outfit- black n' white striped tee & dark skinny jeans- old navy, turquoise cardi-nordstrom rack, black gladiator shoes- ? last year, red cherry necklace {gift from kristen}- lisa leonard. 

 
what's that? 
you like the canvas wrap on my back wall. 
my husband and i created that.
we're working on opening our etsy shop, "kiss the sky."
it's taking longer than we anticipated,
but it is coming.
i look forward to sharing all the pieces we have been designing together.

happy wednesday, friends!

hello monday

hello all.

are you ready for some random?
good.
so am i.

have i mentioned to you that noah has a job?
i didn't think so.
well, he does.
has for a couple months.
he works a couple hours a week with some cool people doing this and that and really likes it.
i had my first job when i was 13 {catering}.  it was good for me.  i'm "old skool" and think it is good for noah, too.  it's good for his character and his confidence and his motivation.

i stopped by noah's work place one day when he wasn't working to say hello to another handsome guy that works there.  noah was with me and i gave him the option of waiting for me in the car, to which he replied, "i think i'll come in and say hello to my colleagues."
ha!
he cracks me up.

for his birthday last week they surprised him with pie. :-)
and a card.

and a group hug.

noah is growing up too fast.

this week he is leaving me for the first time ever to go on his 8th grade trip {which he helped pay for with his snazzy first job}. he is going to be gone for 3 days. traveling by bus and boat.  going with people i am barely acquainted with with school.  i don't worry about him... okay, that is a lie.  i totally do. i worry about his safety and needs and all the stuff that i am always. in. control. of. {at least i like to think i am}. i actually worry more that i'll spend the entire time fretting about him instead of being glad he has this opportunity.  so would you pray for peace for me. pray for me to shut my imagination up.  would you pray for safety physically, emotionally, and spiritually for my boy, and that he will have fun and learn and make great memories.  thank you. really. a lot a lot.

in other news i discovered last week that "if you hit my saturn i WILL NOT kick 'uranus'."

i will actually feel bad for you, because it was an accident, which was a result of another accident.  i will also be so GRATEFUL that we are all fine {minus some whiplash}.
and i'll come away from the accident recalling that my first instinct was to "thank God." my next instinct was to tell my children to "thank God." to get them fixed on Him, rather than the fear and the emotions. i'll be surprised by that. shocked. i'll see the accident as a gift {minus the whiplash}.

speaking of tendonitis {that's what we're speaking about now}  i think that's what i've got going on in my right ankle.  i thought i sprained it 7 weeks ago, but it is only getting worse. i should go to the dr., but i prefer to pay my monthly premiums and not a gazillion dollars more.

a dr friend checked me out and gave me a prescription. the prescription causes insomnia. it is now 12:28 a.m. on "hello monday" a.m..  insomnia and tendonitus is awesome. not!
at this time of the morning my first instinct is not "thank God."

if the ankle doesn't get better  by the end of the week i am gonna  definitely probably maybe might go to my for-real-dr.

i miss walking.
because i haven't been able to walk i went on my first diet.
the south beach diet.
michael went on it with me.

this was taken the week we started sbd.
obviously he didn't need to lose any lbs.

he just went on it to support me.

mr. supportive lost 9.5 lbs. jerk.

i have lost 7 lbs, mostly in "my muffin top" region. i would like to lose the "junk in my trunk," but that ain't gonna happen.  this "baby's got back."  thankfully, mr. supportive is cool with that. :-)


there are only 18 days left till the second "most wonderful time of the year" {first "most wonderful time of the year" being girl scout cookie time}, MAYCATION!
kristen is coming all the way from idaho again, and this year we have a new blog friend with family joining us, linda, from "thoughts on these things." 
i AM SO EXCITED!
i should have made and sent them a paper-chain at the beginning of the month so they could count down the days {i always have good ideas after i need them}.

i haven't had one of kristen's cookies {video. watch it. it's funny!} since january {she sent some to me in nov. for house warming gift. i ration them out for as long as i can}. i have a feeling that after i eat her cookies i am going to have to go on the northsoutheastwest beach diet. it will be worth it.
18 more days!


it is now 12:50 and i am still not tired. sheesh!

 this is what you get at 12:51 a.m. when i am not sleepy.

fajitachiladas!

FAJITACHILADAS! 

it's my new cuss word.
i went out to dinner with my good friend, julie, for cinco de mayo on "may the 4th be with you," and there were fajitachiladas on the menu.  
{i ordered a fajitasalada}
i declared that it would be my new cuss word.
stub my toe- fajitachilada!
pms-ing- fajitachilada!
can't eat cheesecake because sbd is the devil- fajitachilada!

that night as we drove off from mexican restaurant some rude driver honked at me. so i tried out my word and yelled "FAJITACHILADA!" {windows were up, he didn't hear me}.  a few seconds later i realized that the lights in the rental car do not automatically turn on  like they do in my saturn {to quote julie, from joy's hope- "rich people problems"}.  turns out rude driver was honking at me to warn me and i "fajitachilada'd" him.

speaking of julie, she stopped by on noah's birthday to bring him some "gold, frankincense, and myrrh" {gold bowling tokens, used deodorant, and cinnamon}.

noah was beside himself with excitement huh??

she also brought him a beanie and t-shirt from the HIGH SCHOOL {ahhhh!! somebody hold me} he will be attending next year with her kids.

 

i love julie. 

she makes me laugh, lets me cry, and is okay with me saying, "fajitachilada" if i need too. she knows who i really am. likes who i really am. 

it's 1:04 a.m.
still not tired.

ergh.

thankfully i only have 3 days left of the insomnia inducing meds.

this jello has nothing to do with the insomnia.
i just like the picture.

1:48 a.m.
okay.
i think that is all the "hello" i have for this monday.
i have to be up in a few hours for jesus. he likes to hang out with me bright and early.
then it's a full day taking kids to state testing, running errands, doing laundry, avoiding chocolate, controlling my "fajitachilida" urges, NAPPING, portobello mushroom pizza for dinner, and whatever else God decides to bring my way  today.

i'm counting on His "grace upon grace" already.
i'm gonna need it!

 xoxo, 

"you-sent-a-me"

how we happy 14th birthday'd noah. 

we welcomed noah to his day with crepe paper, balloons, and blue painter's tape awaiting him at his door.

we jones' are fancy people. so so hard to keep up with. 

we played hookie from work and home school {woot woot!}

packed a picnic lunch,

loaded up papa dan's truck {the gorilla's husband} with our bikes {which included noah's birthday gift- a new bike from us, nana n' gramps, and tia toni},

 and ventured off to "you-sent-a-me."
{how noah use to say "yosemite" - birthdays make me very sentimental}.
 

on the way we stopped at the best coffee joint ever, "the cool bean cafe." we treated our 14 year old to his first official coffee.  

his choice was a milkyway frappuccino- coffee with caramel and chocolate... i've raised him well. 

 after getting him his milkyway frap we agreed we all NEEDED a donut from judy's.

my very favorite moment from the day occurred just moments later in the truck, as noah gulped his coffee and inhaled his apple fritter and declared, "this is the best birthday ever!" 

he is easily pleased. *love*

no day of ours is complete without a bit of 

entertainment from the von Jones family singers.      

 

no one's life is complete without seeing this.

    you should come visit me.  

i'll take you here. 

{and buy you a frap and a donut}.

this makes me feel complete on this side of heaven-
being with my men in God's majestic creation. *bliss*

 

the day was enjoyed leisurely riding bikes,

surrounded by el capitan, half dome, and yosemite falls.  

*awe-some*

venturing off into the spider-caves.               

 icing my foot {tendonitis, ouch!} in the river. 

 
with a stop at the ansel adams gallery to check out our friend's photography exhibit and another friend's book. 
{we know incredibly talented people}.

  

followed by more bike riding,   

more taking in Beauty,

more delighting in our birthday boy...err...teen... err... young-man 

as well as his sisters, who make it way too easy to delight in them, also.

and more cherishing this day, 

which celebrates 14 years of one of the best adventures of our lives- parenthood.

we are blessed!

14

it's noah's 14th  birthday today, and i can brag if i want to.

noah is awesome 

really.

 it's impossible not to think someone is awesome when they love you a lot.

as i'm typing he's sitting beside me and looking at me.

he does that.

just looks at me.

he is very affectionate throughout the day. every morning he finds me to hug me.  he nestles into me, finding his spot in my arms.

he sees me and tells me i am pretty.  he begins in the morning when  i have bedhead and morning breath and other morning atrocities.  he reminds me throughout the day that i am pretty to him, and that he is "so glad i am his mom." 

he. sees. me. 

he's really cool to talk to.  he gets me. he is compassionate and tender with my heart. he really cares for me.  he's a deep thinker.  i like when he shares with me what is stirring inside him.  he doesn't know it, but the Spirit speaks truth into my life through him. 

when we are walking together he always grabs my hand. always. 

 he's my man when his dad isn't home; opening doors, jars, carrying heavy loads.

he's so handsome. i tell him i never have to make anything creative or amazing ever again because i outdid myself with him.  

he loves me.  a lot.

he is good to his sisters, too.

you should send me lots of $ and give me land and cows for a dowry so your daughter can marry him {in 30 years}.  she would be getting quiet a catch!

*******************************************************

we didn't know  noah's gender before he was born.

we decided to be surprised with the announcement of pink or blue. 

i was astonished when after 46 min. of pushing the doctor placed the 8lb 14oz baby on my tummy and announced "it's a boy."

i know the odds are 50/50, but at 24 i naively figured i was having a girl because i had no idea what to do with a boy. 

i recall inquiring of God's choice, "a boy?"

to which He answered, "now you have two men to love you."

my new mommy heart absorbed God's words and i joyously responded to Him, "a boy!"

from that day on i knew God's number one purpose in giving me noah -whose name means: rest, not broken, made whole- was to love me.

at 24, after being rejected by my own father and left by too many others it made sense that i would build an emotional barrier between me and love, particularly accepting love from a man.

but God.

first He gave me an a.maz.ing man in michael to love me.

{who by the way when we started dating was told by another godly man, "what denise needs is love. just love her." at 19 michael agreed to do just that, and has loved me with the tender love of Christ  ever since}.

then God goes all out again and give me this handsome boy... to love me!

it's overwhelming. 

"i scarce can take it in"

that's so my God!

and here's what i'm glad i got pretty quickly- if God gave me these two men with the purpose of loving me through them, than i'd better let them and Him do it!

i better embrace their love...

His love through them. 

do you understand what i'm saying?

that means no telling them, "no you don't."

no not trusting them and keeping them emotionally and physically at arms length.

it meant even if it made me uncomfortable, that i had to take in every ounce of their love. i HAD to.

i had to choose breath in their love, absorb it into my being, and allow all that was toxic to be replaced, by their overwhelming, unconditional, intoxicating love.

hmm,.."rest. not broken. made whole."

so today i don't only celebrate 14 years of being the mother to my awesome boy,

i celebrate 14 years of embracing God's-too-generous- LAVISHED-on-me-love that He gives to me through noah, michael, and Himself  {and the girls, but that's another story}.

i am blessed!