Tucked In

In January, after almost 3 years, the kids and I finished reading the Chronicles of Narnia series together.  I sobbed the entire last chapter of the final book, The Last Battle. Words are my love language; read, written, spoken, sung, lived.  Having my kids lean in close to hear  Lewis' words was such a delicious time. I didn't want it to end, ever.  

I read to them most mornings before school.  

I read to them because I need them to be all mine 
before heading out for the day into their little parts of the world.  

Before the Narnia series, we'd read a handful of books together, so naturally we tossed out a few options for our next book; however, as we tossed out ideas, I couldn't escape one thought- Noah graduates from high school in less than 2.5 years {gulp}. 

2.5 years.
He'll be gone soon...

in a blink.

And because of that, I knew which book had to be read before he left; before they leave our home- The Bible. 

The Bible is God's love language, and He wants His children to lean in close to hear every word.

"And I pray that you being rooted and established in Love, would have power 

together with all the saints to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of God, 

and to know this love that surpasses knowledge- that you may be filled 

to the measure of all the fullness of God." 

Ephesians 3:17-19

He wants us to cuddle up close to Him everyday; to be all His for a while, before we go out into our little pieces of the world.

"I will put my laws in their minds and write them on their hearts.  

I will be their God, and they will be my people." 

Hebrews 8:10b

Throughout the years we have read parts of the Bible to the kids. We want the word  of God to be tucked in their hearts, minds, souls.  

When they were younger this Children's Bible was how we began our home-schooling days.  I'm 100% sure I learned more from that time than they did; learned from my children how to listen to the Word like a child; learned from what the Spirit was revealing to them. 

"The same Spirit of God that fills you as a believer is the same Spirit of God that inspired the text. 

So trust that when you read it, He's going to show you something or do something in you." 

Brad Bell,  

Walking with a Limp. 

"Your word is a lamp to my feet, and a light to my path." 

Psalm 119:105

As they got older Michael would choose a book from the Bible and read it to us. This time typically began cuddling close together on the couches to read and pray, and ended in wrestling matches or the kids entertaining us. Good times. I'd give anything to be there with them again.

"The word of God is living and active!" 

Hebrews 4:12

A few years ago we all joined Bible Study Fellowship , and studied the book of Isaiah.  It was powerful.  With BSF there are 5 days of homework per week.  I cheated off the kid's worksheets a lot.  Isaiah was tough, and well, my kids are a million times smarter than me. 

"The grass withers, the flowers fade, 

but the word of our God will stand forever." 

Isaiah 40:8

For the last few years Michael has been leading us after dinner using the youth version of Jesus Calling.  The daily devotionals always seem to be relevant with what one of us is experiencing that day. I especially love when He has one of the kids leads, which is often.

This mommy's heart swells with all kinds of "And I can't afford it, but it's mine," when they teach me from God's word. 

"He who gets wisdom loves his own soul; 

he who cherishes understanding prospers." 

Proverbs 19:8

A while back a mama, who is a few seasons ahead of me, pointed out that we'll be parents to adult children much longer than we'll be parents of adolescents. 

Hmmm...

Her words were a wake-up call, causing me to realize that this time with our children in our home is brief 

(though I'm sure those of you with littles would beg to differ). 

Too soon they'll be going out into their parts of the world, permanently.  

"All scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, 

for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, 

that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work." 

II Timothy 3:16-17

And more than my need for them to be "all mine" before they go, what is of utmost importance is that each one of them 

be  
ALL HIS.

 "Everything that goes into a life of pleasing God has been miraculously given to us 

by getting to know, personally and intimately, the One who has invited us to God. 

The best invitation we ever received!" 

II Peter 1:3 (MSG)

 

 2.5 years might be just enough time to get the word tucked in my children's hearts; every single God-breathed word (even the ones we can't pronounce... and there are quiet a few).   And if we aren't finished Noah will just have to stay around until the last chapter, when I'll be sobbing as I read, with my three close, never ever wanting this time to end. :) 

"When your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my hearts delight, for I bear your name, Lord God Almighty." 

Jeremiah 15:16 

 Live in Peace,

photos from the kids rooms.

I blinked and 16

On the eve of Noah's first birthday I sat on the edge of my bed sobbing, "I only have 17 years left!"
I cried like my world was falling apart.
It didn't help that I was 4+ months pregnant with Emilie. 
Poor Michael. 
He had no idea what to do with me.

I blinked and Noah was 1.
And on the eve of his first birthday I knew, knew this time, it's sacred.

Sacred- 

Highly valued and important: deserving great respect

Devoted exclusively to one service or purpose 

Dedicated or set apart for the service of worship

What we parents do is sacred.
It's highly valuable, AND it is "set apart for the service of worship."

Last week, I blinked and Noah was 16.
Seriously, blinked and *snap,* 16!

On his birthday I was reading Proverbs 2, reading in the first few verses about gaining wisdom and instruction, understanding words of insight, learning discretion, and then verse 8 caught my attention- 
"Listen, my son, to your father's instruction, and do not forsake your mother's teaching." 

And as I read I thought about this sacred, and that Michael and I are to instruct and teach our children to be wise, to understand words of insight, to use discretion; that that is our "service of worship" to the Lord our God.  

Next to my marriage, I don't think anything else I do (Michael and I do) this side of Heaven matters more.

Other things use to matter more, though.  A lot of other things.

The one reoccurring thing was this thought that I needed to be somebody, which meant that in other people's eyes which meant that in my own eyes, I had to amount to something; be successful.  

The honest truth is that more times than I care to count I've put my kids (my marriage, too) on the back-burner so that I could pursue those things, so that I could think and feel for a nanosecond that I had value.

But God.

Thankfully, He is my parent, who instructs and teaches me... and oh, do I need parenting!

And just like our kids need us to steer them in the right direction, I desperately need my Father to redirect me to wisdom, insight, and discretion, too.
 
Because the Lord God loves me so wildly, He brings me back to where my desire truly is- 
here in my home, 
to the "right before my eyes," 
so that I won't blink and miss this, 
His sacred.

   

(Video originally posted Mother's Day, 2009) 

"Sacred" by Caedmon's Call

this house is a good mess
it’s the proof of life
no way would I trade jobs
but it don’t pay overtime

I’ll get to the laundry
I don’t know when
I’m saying a prayer tonight
cause tomorrow it starts again

could it be that everything is sacred?
and all this time
everything I’ve dreamed of
has been right before my eyes

the children are sleeping
but they’re running through my mind
the sun makes them happy
and the music makes them unwind

my cup runneth over
and I worry about the stain
teach me to run to You
like they run to me for every little thing

when I forget to drink from you
I can feel the banks harden
Lord, make me like a stream
to feed the garden

wake up, little sleeper
the Lord, God Almighty
made your Mama keeper
so rise and shine,rise and shine
rise and shine cause

everything is sacred
and all this time
everything I’ve dreamed of
has been right before my eyes

Happy Mothers Day! 

 Live in Peace,

"You Opened the Door"

I begged Noah to let me throw him a party. 
Begged. 
For like 3 months, 
"Puuhleeeeeeeeeeze!!"
He considered it for about a minute,
and then said, "naaaaaa."

But he was turning 16.

16!!

That's kind of a big deal, 
and I needed him to know 
that he is kind of a big deal... 
to me.

It's a birthday tradition in our home to have a breakfast party; however, on Noah's birthday, Michael, was scheduled to work at the crack-of-dawn and wouldn't be here for Noah's big deal birthday morning. When I gave Noah this bit of information his response was, "that's okay... you can do it another time...  just surprise me."

"Uhhh, just surprise you?" I asked. 

"Yeah, just surprise me" he replied. 

"Okay, then... I'll surprise you," I smirked.

Seriously, Kid, have you forgotten

 who your mother is?!!!  

To quote our new favorite sitcom, The Goldbergs, "You opened the door."  ;)

Therefore, what happened next really isn't my fault... Noah, "you opened the door." ;) 

Noah's 1st period chemistry class

Breakfast for the students- Frappachino's, chocolate chip muffins, 

and silly hats filled with candy 

(because the way to high schooler's heart is through their sweet tooth). 

Now, here's the thing- this could have gone great or terribly bad.  After dropping him off at school I endured the longest 20 minutes waiting for the results....

Then I got a text- "this is so great! thanks mb"

 

PHEW! 

I totally teared up.  Noah loved it, and he knew on his 16th birthday, that he is a very BIG DEAL to me.

 

 Live in Peace,

Reserved Seating

There were 113 miles between us, and I needed to be with her.  A phone call wasn't going to cut it.  Thank God for Facetime.

In December I was asked by someone I didn't know from Adam, to speak at a women's retreat (that is a blog-worthy story).  As we sat before our computers It was the morning before the retreat, and she had volunteered to listen to the 4 talks I had prepared. 

We had both just rolled out of bed when we met. We were still in our p.j.'s,  sporting some gnarly bed-head, without make-up (actually, I was still wearing make-up from the previous day), and armed with full mugs of coffee.   We were ready to spend a couple of hours together via the internet. 

I began- 

Friday Evening~ 
"As for us, we cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard"... that's why I share my story.  It's not a cleverly invented story, but my first hand account of how the Lord  has revealed Himself and given Life to me... And like Joseph each of our stories was intended for the saving of many lives.

Saturday morning~
"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure" Hebrews 6:19.... The anchors we see (retreat theme) go down into water, not up into temples!  But our Anchor is set and secure in Heaven, where Jesus went through the veil of heaven, and served as our High Priest, who made atonement (at one ment) for our sins with HIMSELF!... Because of Jesus we are hooked to the Anchor- to God, and to the covenant promises of God.

Saturday evening~
"It's crucial that we keep a firm grip on what we have heard so that we do not drift away."  Hebrews 2:1...  What causes us to drift away? Idols.... We are to need nothing more than we need our true source of Life...  How can we keep from drifting? Being in the Word... The Bible brings our lives into alignment with God.

Sunday morning~
There are three parts to an anchoring system- the anchor, the rode (rope or chain), and the secure attachment... Jesus represents the Rode, He has attached us to the Anchor- to God.  Just as He secured us to God, He knew we'd also need Him to secure our end, too. We are fastened to him through the Secure Attachment; the Holy Spirit- the Advocate, who "will teach you all things and remind you of everything I [Jesus] have said to you."

She listened. 
Really listened.
For a couple hours. 
And after I'd poured out all the words the Lord had, over months, impressed on me to say, she spoke.   Spoke what she gained from the messages. She enthusiastically encouraged me.  She also thoughtfully directed me in a couple areas that needed to be honed in. 

And then she beamed, "I'm so excited for you!!"  
 
"I couldn't do this without you," I told her.
"One of us isn't more important than the other."
     
I may be "the speaker," the one up front, BUT you're part is just as valuable as mine.  I couldn't do my part without yours. 

I couldn't have done it without her, without her and the handful of others, who for months, as I've prepared, and this weekend, have been nudging and cheering me on in "reserved seating."

Reserved seating.  I've been thinking a lot about it. Thinking how vitally important it is to invite people to sit up close and personal, in the front rows of our lives. 

Last weekend I "stepped into the arena," and attempted something that terrifies and enlivens me. And here's the thing, I could not have done it without community; without the encouragement, cheering, wisdom, and prayers of the people who love me and want God to be made known through me- those in reserved seating. 

Community isn't optional. Community is necessary.  We are hard-wired to live in it.

In Genesis 1:26, in the very first book of the Bible, God says, "Let us make man in our image." 

Do you see that?! God. Is. Community. 

The Godhead- Father, Son, and Spirit- exist for each other, depend on the other, are effective together.

 If we're made in their image, aren't we to do the same? 

Aren't we to exist for that Mysterious Unity, depend on that unity, be effective because of that Unity. 

AND 

Aren't we to make that Mysterious Unity known, by the community we share with each other?   

"I couldn't do what I'm doing without you... One isn't more important than the other." 

I heard once that "we're better together than we are alone." 

I was  asked what I would take away from this experience- 
  
Yes, I'm more than blown away that God had me in mind, to share and teach 54 fantastic women at this women's retreat; that He chose Imperfect me to be a voice to glorify -make Him known.
  
But what I'm really taking away is how very blessed I am to have people to come alongside and encourage me, speak truth into me, cheer me on, and believe that that Mysterious Unity from which we are derived, is going to do something not just through me, but through us! 

I'm taking away how beautiful it is to exist for each other, depend on each other, to be  effective together.

 Live in Peace,

 P.S., I look forward to the opportunity to sit front and center in your "reserved seating"- to cheering you on, encouraging you, praying for you as you make the LORD our God known! Please invite me! 

*****************************************************************************

P.P.S., To the many who prayed over the past two days for my dad's court case, for the outcome, and for my family- Thank you!  I am really so grateful for you. We really are "better together than we are alone." What a gift you are! 

 

A Million Yeses

For as long as I can remember I envied other children who were loved in every way by their parents.
For as long as I can remember I wanted that too.

And for as long as I can remember I've thought, "they have something I don't have," and asked, "why don't I?"

Over the years I've come up with about a million reasons why they do and I don't.

I now know those thoughts were from the devil,  and for a million reasons I wish I would've "shut him the hell up" back then.

But I didn't.  

Soon, I started looking at, well, just about everything through a blurry lens of "they have what I don't," and "why don't I have that too?"
 
They have good parents. Why don't I?
They have nice houses. Why don't I?
They have the stylish clothes. Why don't I?
They have popularity.  Why don't I?

This is how it went when I was younger, and the only thing that has changed over the years is that there have been more "they haves" and more "why don't I's" added.

They have money.  Why don't I?
They have health. Why don't I?
They have ability.  Why don't I?
They HAVE HAVE HAVE!  WHY DON'T I?!!

The real issue was... no, is,  that I have been ticked off at God, for, from my {blurry} perspective, showing them favor and withholding it from me.

"Ticked off"  is actually the nice way of putting it.  Truth is, of the million reasons I came up with as to why good things were withheld from me, about 900,000 of those reasons were because of God.
 
Recently, I heard a song that speaks what feels like a million truths into this area.
It's another Sara Groves song- Open My Hands.

Before you listen to it (Oh, and I hope you don't skip that part, and that you do... especially if you've had blurry vision, too) Sara shared the following in an interview regarding the inspiration of the song.

From Psalm 84:11
"the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless."

Sir Richard Baker comments, "but how is this true when God often withholds riches, and honors, and health of body from men though they walk ever so uprightly?  We may therefore know that riches and honors and bodily strength are none of God's good things, and the good things of God are chiefly; peace of conscience, joy in the holy Spirit, fruition of God's presence, and a vision of His face in the next.  These good things God never withholds from the godly. 

"riches and honor and strength of body are none of God's good things"

My vision has been so distorted as to what "good things" are.

Now listen

     

 "I am nodding my head and emphatic yes to all that You have for me."  

I am nodding my head a million yeses!

A million yeses to God's good things; to peace, and joy in the Spirit, to present God, to the promise of one day being fully with Him.

Oh, His good things are the best things.

 Live in Peace,

Remember that time...

Wednesday morning my mother-in-love Instagram'd a photo of Bass Lake covered in 4.1 inches of snow... 

I blame her for what happened next.

The wheels in my mind got to turning...'What if??'
I called my m.i.l. to check on the road conditions in Bass Lake (30 miles away). I told her, (a former president of a local school board), what I was considering. Her response was "do it!"
That was just the nudge I needed.  
I shouted to Josie, "We're going to the snow!"  
My lone-homeschooler was ecstatic. 
She and I loaded the back of the car with the snow clothes and sled, making sure they were out-of-sight. Then we hopped in our Outlook and headed toward Noah and Emilie's high school.
Once there we donned our most serious faces (Smiley Josie had a difficult time with this), walked into the school office, and signed Noah and Emilie out for the remainder of the day for "personal reasons."
A few moments later a concerned Noah and Emilie met us in the courtyard with their backpacks slung over their shoulders. 
Emilie expressed her worry, while Noah asked, "Mommy, what's going on?"
With a non-emotional tone I responded, "I can't talk about it right now," then proceeded to walk to the car.
A little further down the road they implored me to tell them what was happening.  I kept my eyes on the road, remained straight faced, and calmly replied, "I can't talk about it right now."
I drove a little further.
Their imaginations were running wild.  I could feel their anxiety rising...
 and that's when I broke and exploded,

"We're taking a snow day!  

We're going to Bass Lake to play, 

and then 

to The Forks for lunch! 

(The Forks is a seasonal hot spot at the lake, which had just opened the weekend before)

They both sighed with relief and then shouted with excitement!!

And that moment...

it was

 Priceless.

 

Just look at them!
So happy. 

"and I can't afford it, but it's mine."  

Oh how I  LOVE them!

 Only God could love them more. 

At the end of our time, just before returning home to the piles of laundry waiting for me, and before the kids returned home to a bit of extra homework, we chatted about how this was a very good day; a needed day. 

We went on about how this day will go down as one of our "remember that time..." stories. {love}
This mama is glad to add another to our history book.  

And it goes without saying, that the kids are really glad Nana posted her snow covered Bass Lake IG pic. :)
 

 Live in Peace,