Preoccupied...part 3

 i tried for the last year to get out of the adulterous relationship i have had with the church while remaining at the church.

i was intentional about guarding my mind, not entertaining thoughts of "could be."
i backed away from leadership, put my passionate self in time-out.
with michael i weighed my motives, and was careful with the steps i took and conversations i had.
in all these areas i didn't always succeed, but you can't know how desperately i tried...

and i was miserable.

because secretly i longed for a great romance with the church. 

my trying was a spiritual adulterers attempt to satisfy the needs of my first love, while longing for another.

i treated God like a voodoo doll god, who would see my attempts at humility. approve.  then, exalt me in the church (instead of with Him) in due time.

 then God had enough.  He tenderly asked us to leave our beloved church.

you can't imagine how painful this was.  how painful it is for our family... how painful this is for a girl from an earthly family that was broken more times than i can count to leave a family, a home.

but "whoring around" on God causes a greater pain.

a pain which caused me to be unrecognizable to me.

 i was disgusted with myself.

i know now that is a beautiful place to be. 

"Am i willing to reduce myself simply to "me," determinedly to strip myself of all my friends think of me, of all i think of myself, and to hand that simple naked self over to God? Immediately I am, He will sanctify me wholly, and my life will be free from earnestness in connection with everything but God."

When i pray-"Lord show me what sanctification means for me," He will show me.  It means being made one with Jesus.  Sanctification is not something Jesus Christ puts in me: It is Himself in me." 

Part 4 & conclusion tomorrow. 

burst my bubble

 i mentioned in a previous post that we have "taken a break from our church."

we love our church family.  next to jesus, i don't think there is anyone who could be madlier in love with them than me.

which makes leaving for any amount of time so so hard.

but God wants us to.  he keeps revealing this to us.  we have to be obedient, like it or not.

 in the meantime i count on him to know the bigger picture,  the bigger glory.

in his mercy he is showing us glimpses of his bigger glory.

bigger glory conversations;

after reading scripture together as a family the other evening, a conversation regarding faith ignited.  emilie (10) said to us, "even though it is hard to not be at our church, i can see that it is good.  i didn't know what faith was before.  i didn't have a reason to need to have faith and trust God before.  since we left our church, i need God.  i have been reading my bible and praying (she really has been).  i am understanding what faith is for the first time and i can see that is good."

noah commented that his faith is expanding as well.  he shared that leaders in his new sunday school class have shared their testimonies.  their stories of redemption and coming into relationship with Jesus is deepening his own faith.

 i can see that at this time, this is very good for our children. our family has up to this point, been in the safe bubble of church and home-school community that we have created for them.  everything and everyone is familiar and safe. 

God told me at the beginning of this "taking a break form our church" journey that he wanted to burst our bubble. 

as he bursts our jones bubble he is tenderly caring for our hearts,  taking me back to that faith i had in the beginning, nurturing and expanding our faith- and especially the faith of our children,  revealing his power to us, and causing us to fall madly in love with the BIGGER body of Christ.

 {each of our stories is tailored by God to wonderfully and mysteriously fit us. this is our story.  i am not encouraging you to leave your church.   i do encourage you to be sensitive to the Spirits leading in your own life, and in the life of your family.  i encourage you to be obedient to the Holy Spirit's leading in all areas.} 

beauty is a homeless man

For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat,
I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink,
I was a stranger and you invited me in,
I needed clothes and you clothed me,
I was sick and you looked after me,
I was in prison and you came to visit me...

I tell you the truth,
whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine,
you did for me.
Matthew 25:35-36 & 40

We met George Lucask in 2005. He had been a crippled, abused, toothless, homeless man living under a bridge in Fresno before a family from our church befriended him. They brought him to our mountain community, and arranged shelter for him at a local motel. They also made arrangements with a handful of families to visit with and provide one meal for George each day.

We signed up for Tuesdays and Wednesdays.

George struggled to adjust to a motel room as his home (long term arrangements were being pursued). Adjusting to sleeping in a bed, showering, using the toilet, and cleanliness did not come easily for George. The street had become his home. And though it was unsafe, he wanted to return to familiarity.

George battled demons (lies). He had a history of shame. At 18 he left his country of Hungary to avoid being enlisted in the military. He never saw his family again. This caused him much sadness. In addition he had been wounded shortly after arriving in the U.S., as a result he spent much of his adult life on crutches. The defeat caused him to seek comfort in alcohol.

George had become an outcast. His companions were loneliness and scorn.

BUT God...

The kids ( 3, 5 & 6) and I would arrive at his motel room with a meal, snacks, a bible, and EXPECTANCY.

We expected to see Jesus in George, and with George.

And we did.

EVERY. TIME.

As George sat to eat his meal, I'd read scripture, share my stories of battling lies, and coming into Truth. George received them. I saw the doors of grace opening in his dear life.

Each time we visited George, my sweet Emilie delighted in seeing him! She'd embrace him and hold his hand, nestle in close to him. Her genuine love made this untouchable, touchable.

The gray walls of George's motel room were quickly being transformed into a gallery. As a handful of children poured their love for him out in displays of art.

Washing George's feet became part of our visits. His feet caused him much pain, and had scaled over, increasing his pain. Tenderness, Compassion, and Love were invited into his room with each washing. I was humbled (a gift as i was coming out of the most prideful season of my life).

Once we brought George to our home. We had visited him many times in his home, but knew hospitality meant inviting him into our lives as well. He sat with the kids and I as we home schooled. And then we put George gladly to work, cutting strawberries for his favorite dessert- strawberry shortcake (he was adorable with whipped cream in his beard).

On another outing (which resulted in ice cream sandwiches and driving through a car wash) We were listening to hymns when George started singing loudly and clearly-

Praise to the Lord, the Almighty, the King of creation!
O my soul, praise Him, for He is thy health and salvation!
All ye who hear, now to His temple draw near;
Praise Him in glad adoration.

Praise to the Lord, who over all things so wondrously reigneth,
Shelters thee under His wings, yea, so gently sustaineth!
Hast thou not seen how thy desires ever have been
Granted in what He ordaineth?

Praise to the Lord, who doth prosper thy work and defend thee;
Surely His goodness and mercy here daily attend thee.
Ponder anew what the Almighty can do,
If with His love He befriend thee.

Praise to the Lord, O let all that is in me adore Him!
All that hath life and breath, come now with praises before Him.
Let the Amen sound from His people again,
Gladly for aye we adore Him.

Those words have had new meaning and power since hearing them flow from George's lips.

In George I saw that Beauty is a homeless man.

Before I met George I thought He was "the least of these," but during that season with George I discovered that I was the "least of these." I hadn't seen Jesus in ALL people, only in people that looked the part.

But George, a homeless man, was Jesus with skin on.

And Jesus was beautiful.

Where have you seen Beauty?
(George now lives in community, in a home for Senior Citizens,
where his physical, emotional, and medical needs are provide for).

To read more stories of Beauty or to share your own visit Best Days of Our Lives.

I Want To Be One of Them

Please visit the blog Rage Against the Minivan to read about how you can pray and help the Howerton family bring their son home from Haiti.

When the Saints
by Sara Groves

Lord I have a heavy burden of all I've seen and know
It's more than I can handle
But your word is burning like a fire shut up in my bones
and I cannot let it go

And when I'm weary and overwrought
with so many battles left unfought

I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard
I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars
And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them

Lord it's all that I can't carry and cannot leave behind
It often overwhelms me
But when I think of all who've gone before me
And lived the faithful life
Their courage compels me

And when I'm weary and overwrought
with so many battles left unfought

I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard
I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars

I see the shepherd Moses in the Pharohs court
I hear his call of freedom for the people of the Lord

And when the saints go marching in
I want to be one of them
And when the saints go marching in
I want to be one of them

I see the long quiet walk along the Underground Railroad
I see the slave awakening to the value of her soul

I see the young missionary and the end of the spear
I see his family returning with no trace of fear

I see the long hard shadows of Calcutta nights
I see the sisters standing by the lepers side

I see the young girl huddled on the brothel floor
I see the man with a passion come and kicking down the door

I see the man of sorrows and his long troubled road
I see the world on his shoulders and my easy load

And when the saints go marching in
I want to be one of them
And when the saints go marching in
I want to be one of them

(f.b. friends, to hear song and read lyrics as well see video)

Wassail, Tow-trucks, and Flying.

Advent day 6- "Here we come a wassailing!" Make wassail and watch "Little Women."

Scripture I John 1:5-22



Directions for Nana's Sweet Wassail-4 cups brewed tea (i use lipton).

4 cups cranberry juice

4 cups apple juice (not apple cider)

1 cup O.J.

3/4 cup sugar

4 cloves

1 tablespoon cinnamon (and/or cinnamon sticks)

(it is very sweet. i add 6 cups of brewed tea to lessen the sweetness).



Add ingredients together in a pot, heat, and serve. Let it simmer all day with a ladle and Christmas cups in close reach! Your home is guaranteed to smell Christmasilicious!



Little Women is by far my favorite childhood book. I became a part of the March family when I was 14. I'd escape to the park down the street from my home, find my way to the shade of a tree, and imagine I was Jo March.

I love to watch the movie each Christmas. Over the years I have discovered that In some way I am each one of the March girls- Meg, Jo, Beth, and Amy.

Have you read or watched Little Women? Which March girl are you most like?





In my last post I mentioned that Michael and I were going on a date.

Here's how the date turned out!

The van broke down.

Thankfully we had the camera (i always have my camera) and were able to occupy ourselves during the 45 min. wait for AAA towing to come rescue us. As you can see from this pic. we didn't go hungry! Thank you Rod (tow-truck guy) for chauffeuring us the 45 min. back up the hill to our town in your sweet ride.



The van is now awaiting surgery. It needs a new timing belt ($523). We are hoping (praying) that is the extent of it's injuries. If they're are more injuries it will have to undergo another surgery ($2,000+).

I was thinking it would be nice if the "medical expenses" for the van could be included in our other medical expenses from this year, since we have already met that deductible.

<

On the bright side, the kids weren't with us when the van broke down, and we already had our other vehicle in town (can you imagine what a nightmare it would have been with kids, and then needing to get our other vehicle had it been at home, 30 miles from town. yikes! good timing God! - no pun intended).



And God, Thank you (as I mumble "bah hum bug" under my breath) for another opportunity for you to Provide, and show how You love us. We're counting on You again!



Finally, thank you to all of you who prayed for me! I did it, I played the guitar at church! I have a greater respect and admiration for the folks that get up there and lead both instrumentally and vocally each week. It's not easy.

I'm especially GRATEFUL for the individuals that lead with me-

Ross- who coached me through it saying, "just breath, you can do this, take your time" (i was SO nervous, so out of my comfortable element).

Susan- who whispered to me, "they're singing, your doing fine, they're singing (that was somewhere in the middle of song 3, when I was shaking so much I feared I would have what would appear to be an epileptic seizure).

Jeff- who had tears in his eyes, but don't tell him I told you, cause "grown men don't cry."

If your going to step out of your comfort zone, into something you've longed to do, but don't know if your capable of, make sure your surrounded by people who LOVE you, have your back, and want you to fly! Make sure your with people who want to fly with you.

Playing guitar was a blessing, but soaring with these individuals was a greater blessing!

The Feast of Tents!

6 yrs ago, at a Sunday a.m. service, while sitting in the amphitheater on our church property, God and i had a conversation... " This property is really beautiful...we do not get together enough as a community of believers... we should get together and have a church retreat... financially not everyone would be able to go...it's so pretty here...we do have really beautiful grounds, we are a fortunate church... wait!
We Could Do It Here!...have a camp out here...
a Feast of Tents!"

This weekend we participated in our 5th Feast of Tents!
Despite the rain, many camped out and shared sweet community!

This years theme was Kingdom Come. It is our desire to be part of God's Kingdom, for His kingdom to come in each of us, in our homes, and in our church.

Feast Activities-

All Church Service

Lunch

Family Games

Water Rockets

More Game

Dinner

Evening Worship

Campfire & Smores

"Hoany, shoany, moany, doany, dashy, dooey, qiyum, reeeqiyum, oompa, oompa"

Camping

Closing Service & Memorial Marker

Pie- part 2

HAPPY
Loved
OVERWHELMED
DANCING
Knowing
LAUGHING
Receiving
JOYFUL
understanding
Grateful
Celebrating
BELIEVING


These are some of the emotions I have had over this weekend. These emotions always come with tears- happy tears, and with wonder. "Consider what God has done: Who can straighten what He has made crooked? When times are good, be happy; when times are bad consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his own future." Eccles. 7:13-14
It has been one of those weeks where I wanted the crooked things to be straight, and I fought (thankfully mostly God) because they are not. I do not understand, I cannot say I like it, but God is good, VERY GOOD!

And Celebrating God's Faithfulness-

This weekend our church Sierra Vista Presbyterian, celebrated "21-derful years." We had a dinner Friday evening, and all those who began, or were charter members of the church were invited (My hubby is a charter member). Former pastors and staff were invited. This was a wonderful time to celebrate those who had a vision-who began the church from a bible study,then bought an old farm house with property and worshiped in a remodeled garage, later built a small church, and again in 1995 built and moved into a larger sanctuary, which we have outgrown. This was a wonderful time to celebrate those who had visions of ministry, and of glorifying God, and who so many times have stepped out in faith.

Saturday evening we had a Harvest Celebration (I coordinated this event). Nearly 300 joined in on the fun which included a Chili cook off, Pie contest, face painting, Bow-Tie the Clown, a caller and square dancing. I cannot tell you how I LOVE to CELEBRATE! How I love to see the body, young and old together- dancing, laughing, loving , fellowshipping, enjoying . I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! Tastes like heaven.



And when it was done I had pie :-

And Today, Dr. Rev. Bill Welch who was pastor at SVPC for 18yrs gave the message. In many ways God used Bill to raise the church to adulthood. Today it was beautiful to have him at our 21st birthday to give each of us a blessing with his message "Who You Really Are."
From Matt 5, "You are the salt of the earth... You are the light of the world."
Jesus is talking to the disciples, the church, the Christian community. He is stating a fact, giving a compliment- You are the salt of the earth. He isn't saying you should be, ought to be, will be, but YOU ARE. Salt does not exit for itself. No one says, "mmmm, that's good salt"
We aren't to be salt piles, or to stay in the salt shaker, salt (disciples) exists for the world.
Jesus said "You are the light of the world," the witness of the church is visual, and God gets the glory.
At one point we were asked to close our eyes and picture ourselves at a dinner, with our favorite people, you've never felt so alive, and Jesus is there. Dinner is over and Jesus leads you off, arm around you, smile on his face, and says, "you know how I love you, I'm proud of you, your representing me well, keep it up! I'm in you remaking you, it's my power working in you. Things are different because you are at the table... Be generous with your life, when you're generous people will see me, and my Father will be glorified." (tears)

Father God thank you for reminding me who I really am, I forgot again, help me to be who I really am, to be the salt and light I am. I need YOUR power to be at work in me, I see that it is, sometimes that hurts, it doesn't look as I think it should, I want to straighten out all that seems so crooked. How I wish life were lived in hindsight, thank you for your crooked ways, they make me know you, love you more..I want that. Help me to be generous with my life, to give myself up for you, which is scary. Thank you for giving your whole self up for me. I want to spill you. I want you to be glorified, I want you to have the BIG glory. I love you (tears), I love you.


As 21 year olds, we at SVPC have new vision for the church, "To be a Christian community that exist for the greater community." We are stepping out on faith, we want to be "about our Father's business," and have great expectations for how God will grow and move us.

BTW-Journal entry from 1994 (age 20), "I have been going to Sierra Vista Presbyterian Church. I work with the youth group there. It is a nice church, but it will never be my home."
Ha, God must have laughed!

Today Noah and Emilie had class at the home school academy we are with. Class is 2x per month from 8:30 -2:30. This year they are learning about the Civil War, as well as math, computer, p.e., writing, language and more. I am so thankful that we have this opportunity with homeschooling.
I like that my kids get a taste of learning with other teachers. I like that they have classmates, as there is much to gain and learn in relationships. I like that we have a community of homeschooling families around us. I love when they come home and excitedly share their day.


Today, after a few a.m. Kindergarten lessons, Josie and I went to Fresno (for those out of this area, this is the nearest city to us, 45min. away. We do have a small town only 25 min. away).
I took advantage of the time in the car by doing a bit of carschooling.
We covered language with a Brothers Grimm story that I found at a fun web sight called Stoynory. At Storynory you can download many free children's stories to your i-tunes. You can copy these to c.d. or down load them to your i-pod and listen to them on a day when you are doing more carschooling than homeschooling.
When we arrived in Fresno we went to the Fresno Library, and to the Great Harvest Bread Company.

For you local folks, if you haven't gone to the Fresno Library you absolutely must! It is terrific! And you can return books at our local library. Btw- it is library card month, get your kids their library cards and a free ice cream cone!


The Great Harvest Bread Company is located next door. They mill their wheat daily, all bread is baked fresh daily, and sampling is mandatory! I recommend sampling the Cinnamon Chip bread, then buying a loaf ($6.00 and worth it) to bring home. You can also set up a field trip for a small group.

For those wanting a bit more fun, beautiful Woodward Park is near by.

After school the kiddos had their first day of AWANA's. Thank you to everyone who serves.
A verse that comes to mind as I think of AWANA's, the kids, and your service is, "The truth that has been revealed to you will not be taken from you or your children's children." Duet 29:29. Thank you for revealing "Truth" to my children through the word, affection, encouragement and fun!

The Academy Awards

I love anything that causes community. Anything that causes us to come together.

This Sunday was All Fool's Day at the Academy Awards for Sierra Vista Presbyterian Church.

SVPC's most beautiful people (all SVPC'ers) showed up in high fashion to walk the red carpet and attend the Academy Awards. A number of celebrities walked the red carpet as well. As Joan Rivers, I got to be up close and personal on the red carpet.

The show was very entertaining with awards, feature films, and a performance by Mary Poppins and the Pips (Gladys couldn't make it). After the entertainment the President of the Academy Awards (and Pastor) gave a message... "what our culture views as valuable is a chasing after the wind... there are a lot of us who have been fools, buying into our culture, let's not be fools... the values of our culture ought to be mercy, peace, righteousness, forgiveness, and love."