To Read on the Journey

Monday, October 19, 2009

fall back

i miss when they were little. when time was concentrated on play, naps, graham crackers n' milk, giggles, slobbery kisses, and silliness.
i miss when fall invited us to tackle a fresh pile of autumn colored leaves
to go "on bear hunts"
to take wagon rides bundled up in our vava made scarves n' hats
to curl up on mommy's lap next to the first fire with our "kiki, tiggy, or dee dee"
(the names of their blankets)

to race laps around the sofas, burning tracks in the carpet
to engage in nightly wrestling matches and acrobats with daddy as they prepared for
cirque du soleil

i miss starting again the next morning with snuggles in our bed, tiny fingers wrapped around my neck.

i miss them, my little people.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

I Saw The Light Saber

last night michael and i went to a david crowder concert!
and yes, i vlogged it! enjoy.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Knocking

"Look at me. I stand at the door and knock. I knock."
Revelations 3, The Message

My door has been shut for a while. Opening it would make me tender. Being tender hurts.
But i'm finding that not letting God in hurts more. So today I'm opening the door a crack. I'm looking at Him. I see my Jesus who has never left. He has been standing at the door- knocking, waiting... for me.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Take this soul and make it sing

Take these shoes
Click clacking down some dead end street
Take these shoes
And make them fit
Take this shirt
Polyester white trash made in nowhere
Take this shirt
And make it clean, clean
Take this soul
Stranded in some skin and bones
Take this soul
And make it sing

Yahweh, Yahweh
Always pain before a child is born
Yahweh, Yahweh
Still I'm waiting for the dawn

Take these hands
Teach them what to carry
Take these hands
Don't make a fist no
Take this mouth
So quick to criticize
Take this mouth
Give it a kiss

Yahweh, Yahweh
Always pain before a child is born
Yahweh, Yahweh
Still I'm waiting for the dawn

Still waiting for the dawn, the sun is coming up
The sun is coming up on the ocean
His love is like a drop in the ocean
His love is like a drop in the ocean

Yahweh, Yahweh
Always pain before a child is born
Yahweh, tell me now
Why the dark before the dawn?

Take this city
A city should be shining on a hill
Take this city
If it be your will
What no man can own, no man can take
Take this heart
Take this heart
Take this heart
And make it pray

Yahweh by U2

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

going home

last week i went to my 18th high school reunion!

here is a long, yet ENTERTAINING video capturing a bit of the night, and reuniting with old friends (also includes hello's to my b.f.f.'s who were unable to attend).

i look back at high school and am so grateful for that time. i am grateful for the friends i made. i wouldn't be who i am today if it weren't for the wonderful ways God wrote them into my life. i miss their presence in my life.

ideally children have families that meet their needs. ideally children have a physical home as well as an emotional home in their families. but i didn't. my family became the close friends around me. these friends were the people i ate with, cried with, laughed with, dreamed with, questioned Life with, and sought Truth with. they were my emotional home, and the school became my physical home.

i recall how i dreaded weekends, school holidays, and agonized over summer vacations. i felt homeless, without a sense of belonging. unlike the other children, i counted down the days till breaks were over. wondering if i was the only one eager to return.thankfully in the past 18 yrs since i graduated from high school i have learned to find my Home in God. through him and by the mentoring of others, i am learning to make a home for my family.but you see for me a high school reunion isn't just a gathering of old classmates, it's a family reunion.

it is a reunion of faces that are familiar, a reunion of people who grew up alongside me for 13 yrs, a reunion of memories shared, a reunion filled with the people who i am endeared to and love.

Friday, October 2, 2009

"God has not been trying an experiment on my faith or love in order to find out their quality. He knew it already. It was I who didn't."
C.S. Lewis
A Grief Observed